Ending Racism? Is it possible?

Where does that journey begin, considering slavery officially ended on June 19th, 1865, the date on which enslaved people in Galveston, Texas, finally received the news they were free. Or did it?

Adding the positive evolution of racism, we had the Civil Rights movement that promoted and inspired additional change. Ending racism is nonetheless, probably impossible. However, minimizing its degrading and oppressive nature is possible.

Despite clear evidence of systemic racism, and the existence of modern slavery, many will argue that racism no longer exists. If you don’t believe me learn about the school to prison pipeline for black males. If that isn’t enough, read the 13th amendment: Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

The odds are too heavily stacked for racism to survive. The ultimate decision lies within the heart of an individual… YOU.

Why? Because, love, honor, respect, and dignity can’t be legislated. Governments and laws heavily influence a society, but they aren’t the only driving force. Social structures can be broken down into feudal system type pyramid that include: education/schools, churches, law enforcement, judges, prison systems, financial institutions, housing and jobs: yes, the systemic aspect. But without individual to perpetuate the cycle, racism as we know it could be numbed to the point that it has little impact. Maybe it will one day be trendy to be anti hate.

Most social systems that have been driven by greed and corruption (Belgian Congo, in particular, which cost an estimated 10 million Congolese lives between 1885 and 1908, and after Belgian's King Leopold II terror reign. The main reasons were from killings, famine and disease). Society either realizes that what is happening is no longer acceptable and economic or political sanctions are imposed (Apartheid in South Africa), or rebellions spawn en mass. It sometimes takes a single soul to topple injustice (Ghandi, Rosa Parks etc).

Regardless of the uprisings, changes in legistlation, racism will be forever present in our society. It’s a question of what are you willing to do, say and stand up for to make racism as ineffective as possible. If we succeed, then we shall have to wait and see if an, Animal Farm, (George Orwell) situation arises, by where the new leader, (a pig named Napoleon), overthrows an “evil” human ruler, to begin the cycle all over again as he oinks where the new upper echelons and lower dregs of society belong.

I still believe and live with optimism that ALL men were created equal… let’s rephrase that to all HUMANS to be inclusive of women and other modern variations… oh crap, that’s another blog!

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

— Gandhi

Ending racism is not the same objective as having representation. So, I don’t agree that ending racism/sexism is the goal. That cause takes away from the value of representation… something that has not yet been achieved (in select and isolated situations, yes), but not as a standard. Representation will eliminate the ability to inflict cultural/systemic racism/sexism. What individuals do is up to them… “You can’t legislate love.” Denzel Washington. But you can legislate against policies that are oppressive. In other words, a racist can hate me all he wants as an individual, but if decision making is diverse (representation) then that individual hate is neutralized and therefor inconsequential because it has no power. 

The most simple fix is to increase or Empathy Quotient. When filled with an abundance of empathy, it becomes very hard to hate and oppress. It’s the great neutralizer and game-changer.

LEARN MORE ABOUT EMPATHY in my book

Vital Germaine

Are you really being empathetic?

We may think we are being empathetic, but most times we are not, regardless of our pure intentions. A common empathy faux pas is sharing a related incident we experienced. This may well communicate relatability, but unless we quickly shift the focus back to them and their story, we are not being empathetic.

The odds are that when somebody is sharing something painful, they first and foremost want you to simply be there with them! This means we must fully commit to making it entirely about that other person’s experience, perspective and any additional circumstances they have endured for it to be true empathy. The trap is we are influenced by our own personal agenda, needs and expectations, so we listen with every intent to understand, but we still view if from our personal perspective and may offer advice (coaching), a pep talk, or even become their motivational cheerleader. All of which bring little value to the person in need of empathy. If you are coaching or chearleading, you are not listening for their benefit. You are also not understanding their heart-ache or discomfort, but rather expressing how your current mood is optimistic. So think twice when being positive as a response to a pain-point somebody has shared. Be there for them simply by being present.

Empathy is not necessarily about resolving. It’s about feeling and being there in the way that that person needs you. A good suggestion to truly to help is to ask the person one of the following questions:

1. How can I be of value?

2. Would you like me to just listen and hold space for you?

3. Would you like to me to share some advice or perspective?

Ask these types of questions in YOUR way so that it comes across as authentic rather than scripted from a blog.

Vital Germaine

Is Vulnerability a Strength or Weakness?

The quick answer to this question is that it is both a strength and a weakness. It all depends on how it’s communicated or shared. When shared properly it is extremely powerful. It becomes an agent for deep and meaningful connection. A quality all human beings crave. However, vulnerability can be extremely toxic and manipulative.

Here’s how and why?

Vital Germaine

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How to find your inner genius

Do you feel like you could do more, and become more, yet feel held back? It’s a common mindset. But what exactly is holding you back… other than yourself? Adult programming is the culprit. Everything about adulthood pulls us further and further away from our inner genius.

We are taught to think the same. We are advised to fit in and not be difficult. We are alienated if not vilified for being different; he/she/they are weird. As a result, we build ceilings that imprison our minds. Wouldn’t it be great to feel free and become the truest and best version of you? How do you do that?

It’s simple though not easy.

Your authentic inner child is where your genius lies. It’s been dulled by society. A child hear’s on average 232 “no’s” or negative comments a day on average according to numerous surveys and studies. Breaking that mental and emotional cycle is where you’ll find your wings. Learn more in my book, FLYING BEYOND THE NET.

It’s a daring journey to unlearn everything you’ve been taught by reconnecting with you your inner child; the inner child who has infinite imagination, limitless amounts of hope and enthusiasm. The inner child who sees beyond the stars and who dares dream of the absurd and impossible.

Now the question becomes, how to you leverage that super power?

It’s a process that takes time. There is no magic “matrix” pill. The journey begins with becoming more playful in the way you look at, and do things. Be silly even, as you let go of your adult ego who becomes so afraid to fail or be judged. Think of the toddler learning to walk. There is no shame in falling down while learning to walk. Wheeee. Oops. Let’s go again… and again and again. There is no, “I can’t do this.”

Train yourself to go on more adventures; don’t become Lara Croft or Indiana Jones. Simple things like taking a different route to work and enjoying the new scenery. Become infinitely curious about everything. Cover yourself in paint and laugh about it. Look in the mirror and pull silly faces and make silly noises (not in the office bathroom!). Start imagining stuff… what would it be like to have wings and fly? Where would you go? What would you do? Play, play, play! Dive into Pandora’s box with reckless abandon. Don’t lean over the edge… fall of spectacularly and believe your wings will emerge before you look like Wile E. Coyote splatting at the bottom of the Grand Canyon… hey wait a minute… that would be awesome. Wheeeee.

Your inner child is yelling for you to come back.

To optimize your growth, read one of my books on this topic:

FLYING BEYOND THE NET, leveraging your creativity to grow your wings.

INNOVATION MINDSET, reimagining business, leadership and company culture.

If you agree/disagree, or would like to add to this blog, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

The 7 Ways People Judge Us

Here’s how all people will initially judge you and how you will judge people.

We all make judgment calls when meeting people for the first time. In fact, we decide whether we like somebody within the first seven seconds of meeting them. Sometimes it’s a very intentional decision. Other times it’s on a subconscious level. Whether subconscious or by design, it’s determined by values and biases/programming. They can be cultural, economic, religious etc.

In a utopian world we would perhaps be judged by our character alone (thank you MLK), with our actions rather than words defining who we are. However, learning the content of a person’s character takes time. Many hide behind misleading words and deeds, in particular the narcissists who are experts in misdirection and deceit.

HERE ARE THE 7 WAYS PEOPLE JUDGE US

1. Appearance (clothes, tattoos etc):

   1. I am treated and perceived very differently depending on if I am wearing a suit and tie or a kilt. Both version are the same me. Are you aware of how differently your are perceived and treated based on your clothing? Hair color? Skin color?

      • As a black man I am often quickly judged by that standard.

        • Case in point: I live in the suburbs in a gated community. One day while walking my dog, somebody from the community complimented me on my two dogs. When I told then I lived around the corner they responded with, “Yes I see you all the time. I thought you were a dog walker.” - hmmm? Why would they assume that? I think we know why. Stereotyping or racial profiling is a bitch!

2. Body Language: According to psychologist, Amber Merhabian, body language makes up for 58% percent of communication. The way we walk, our posture… are we slouching, leaning, hunching etc. Are your arms crossed? If you are having a convo with somebody at an event, let’s say, pay attention to where their feet are pointing. If their feet are pointing away from you, or towards the door, it highly likely means they are not interested, or want to leave. Their are endless body language cues to better understand a person and where they are emotionally or mentally. What your body says is more powerful than words. Words only make up for 7% of communication.

3. Facial Experssions: The funny thing about our facial expressions is that half the time we are unaware of what our face is doing. Observe somebody having an argument who is angry. Their facial expressions will give it away; frowning, puckered lips etc. In stark contrast, if they are having a happy and loving conversation, their facial expressions will reveal that emotions and mindset.

4. Tone of voice: Do you talk to a baby or dog the same way you would address a VIP or superior? No. Our tone of voice changes based on how we view that person and the depth of the relationship. Also, whether you end your sentence with an upward or downward inflection will determine how convincing or interesting you are. Cliche example, “typical” Canadiens will end on an upward inflection which demonstrates their polite and apologetic culture. Americans, who stereotypically viewed as bold and direct, if not brash, do not apologize. They are firm, ending on a downward inflection. Begin to observe the naunces in people’s tone of voice. You’l be blown away as to how much is communicated with tone of voice. According to Albert Merhabian, non-verbal communication (tone of voice/facial expressions) make up for 38% of communication.

5. Attitude/Behavior: Attitude is how you react or respond to everything and anything that happens to you or around you. It’s a deep reflection of your character. People will quickly judge you on how they perceive your attitude to be. For the most part, we get an immediate sense of persons attitude based on the previous four bullet points. Over time, the evaluation goes deeper and we observe choices and patterns. A person’s patterns are the best way to understand who they are and who they are not.

6. Energy: According to Nikolas Tesla, “If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” People will subconsciously pick up on your energy or vibes before you’ve said a word. If your energy is negative, they will potentially avoid or dislike you. Our minds, body and in particular our hearts, emit an electromagnetic field. Other humans pick up on this field. In part because we are all connected and able to tap into the frequency of others. One of the biggest communication give aways are your emotions. Low vibrating energy is negative. Love resonates at a frequency of 852 hz. Joy vibrates at 700 hz. Anger or hate vibrate very as low as 100 hz. Disease vibrates at around 58 hz with colds and flu vibrating at around 57 khz. An average healthy body resonates at around 70 khz. You can elevate this frequency through meditation. Go deeper and you enter the Law of Attraction realm. Is it true?

   We are often attracted to people who vibrate at high frequencies, or those that our simila

7. Intentions: In some ways, #7 is a continuation of #6 as your intentions emit a certain frequency/energy. We often feel if somebody’s intentions are potentially harmful to us. What was the desired outcome by said person based on the action or even non-action?

   According to US Criminal Law, proof of criminal intent (mens rea) is one of two factors required to convict. The other being caught in the act due to sufficient evidence. The better you know a person and the more you have observed and understood their patterns of behavior, the more equipped you will be do understand or even predict their choices, because their intentions will be consistent with their previous behaviors and choices… but good luck proving it, even if your intuition is screaming the truth.

Understanding how you are communicating and what others are saying, seeing and feeling will exponentially improve all your relationships: at home and at work. This awareness can be leveraged for good or bad. That choice is yours.

Having said, that, obey your intuition when a person’s vibes aren’t jiving with you. This usually means there is a profound reason that isn’t yet evident to walk away. Walking away or setting boundaries is not the same as condemning or viewing somebody as lesser than based on…

To learn more take my communication course . It will help you as an individual (parent, lover and friend), as a leader, and even in sales / customer service.

Vital Germaine

President of ENGAGE Teams 360

Have You Ever Felt Judged?

There are 2 types of judgment:

• The first is in the form of a simple evaluation. This focuses on knowledge to make an informed decision, void of harm or detriment.

• The second is about condemning somebody for their choices, tastes, beliefs, actions and core values. This type of judgment inspires a yukky feeling. This is what we’ll focus on in this blog. Because we’ve all been there.

Unless you are a seasoned stoic or incredibly spiritual to the point you have become totally immune from such things as attachment or desire, you will feel the sting of judgement. We instinctually know when we are being judged. And, yes, it’s hard to prove that somebody is judging you. But we know when we are.

The impact of somebody’s judgment will depend on 3 things:

• How aware are you to those judgmental external factors? Because they say that ignorance is bliss. When you know, it’s hard to ignore.

• How sensitive are you or empathetic to the emotions, intentions, words and actions of others?

• How much do you value the opinion of the person that is judging you? If you don’t value them, you’ll stay calm and carry on. If not… fill in you personal response or reaction.

Judgment sounds like:

Judgement is rarely to your face. It usually comes in the form of gossip. I lived in small coastal town in Belgium with only 15,000 inhabitants. There was a lot of gossip. I t thought gossip was unique to small towns, even though I had lived in London till I was sixteen. Moving to New York and then Las Vegas, I quickly learned gossip happens everywhere.

• “What’s with those baggie pants, he wears?"

• “Don’t trust a man with a beard. He’s hiding something.” Oh wait, you don’t condemn that anymore because it’s become trendy and acceptable.

• “Being gay is a choice, you faggot.” (e.g Ricky Martin/George Michael and the endless gay celebrities who initially hid their sexual orientation due to societal astigmatism).

• “I don’t get why people can’t be bothered to dress up when getting on a plane.”

• “Back in the day we would have never done that.”… but we are all doing all this other stuff that tomorrow’s generation will condemn… like abusing nature, the planet and each other..

• “I can’t believe that black bitch wouldn’t sit at the back of the bus like she’s supposed to. Just do as you’re told, already.” (Gossip about Rosa Parks)

• “If he simply complied he wouldn’t have been choked to death by that cop(George Floyd/Breonna Taylor/Ahmaud Arbery/Elijah Maclean/Daunte Wright)

• This kneeling during the National Anthem is bullshit.”

• “She’s showing way to much skin for her age. I mean, really.”

• “Money is the root of all evil.”

Some of the above examples are driven by hate. I judge people who are driven and inspired by hate heavily. I may even be inclined to gossip about them.

The only time it may be valid to judge and condemn anybody is if a person’s character is inspired or driven by hate, oppression (racial, social, religious, sexual orientation, political persuasion ) or any form of abusive intention.

IF somebody is condemning, undermining or belittling you because they don’t like, or understand who you are, then shame on them. They deserved judgment for having an obtuse mindset void of emotional intelligence and common human decency. I’ve travelled the world and noticed one thing in all cultures… the majority of people undermine, criticize, belittle others because they don’t like the other person’s sense of taste, style or life-style. The only value this brings is to the self, as a strategy to elevate themselves… probably because they don’t like themselves or because they arrogantly think they are better. We hate it happening to us, yet we do it to others. So, please…

Don’t judge me for:

• Being different than you and most others.

• Wearing a kilt.

• Being an activist, yet patriotic in the true sense of holding my country accountable for its evils, and raising awareness / inconvenient truths. I am not being divisive. It is through awareness that we can make better choices.

• Wearing nail polish when I am a hetro dude.

• Being agnositc. I know, I am going to hell. Nonetheless, can I get an amen? LOL

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

— Martin Luther King

Hypocrisy

I am fully aware that I suffer from judging others, too. I am working on doing it less. Here’s what I’ve been doing and invite you to do the same. Next time you find yourself being judgmental of somebody for “trivial” reasons, ask yourself is it really necessary and does it bring any value to the greater good? Judging divides us. We can live harmoniously with our differences.

What are some behaviors you are being judged on? Leave a comment below. Thanks.

Vital Germaine

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How to Create Positive New Habits with Ease

Whenever wanting to change a behavior or a habit, it's not easy to find motivation and follow through! So then what?

A great place to start that process of positive growth is to change the reason or focus. For example, trying to lose weight just for you is a tough ask. Think of a reason outside of yourself… somebody you care for or love deeply. If your reason to lose weight is to be healthy so you can be there longer for your grandkid and have more energy to play with them, the motivation has now shifted away from the self. The task becomes easier to achieve. You have a powerful reason to commit.

As a whole, whenever our sense of purpose is bigger and beyond ourselves, the motivation almost happens naturally. We become driven and compelled to act.

The key to succeed is to find a reason that is truly dear to you. It can be love based or even fear based, because these two emotions are the strongest motivators to humans. We either run away from pain or we run towards pleasure. The fear of losing somebody can inspire changed behavior. A deep wearing to win somebody’s favor can drive us to new habits.

Who or what is your new carrot? Take a moment to clearly identify that element. The more specific you are understanding this focal point, the better. How much does that person mean to you? Once you’ve clearly established that, you are empowered to REACH HIGHER.

This blog only highlights a STARTING point. Remember that change is not a one-pill fix. However, this is a great platform to grow your wings and fly.

Vital Germaine

Is intuition a gift, a myth or a curse?

If you’re an intuitive, know that you live in a different time, space continuum than logical thinkers… neither better nor worse… just different. Though I personally believe intuition is a gift. Some receive it automatically. Some have to work on developing it. And it appears that some will forever be numb to its offerings, partially due to disbelief.

The seemingly lucky people in life connect with, and trust their intuition. Most will embrace intuition in conjunction with the element of planning and analyses. Intuition is not a blind act built purely on belief, it is your truest sense of knowledge. Intuition and instinct are not synonymous. Instinct is immediate and purely driven by the reptilian brain. Intuition includes your moral compass (values), gut, experience and the subconscious mind combining with your heart to tell you what is best or what is a negative vibe or energy.

Your gut and heart simply know. Don’t underestimate the power of your heart. Modern research is showing that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. Design a more promising future by connecting to your intuition. Leverage its power.  Be aware you have access to it.

The HeartMath Institute executed nineteen years of extensive research on the relationship between the psychophysiology of stress, emotions, and the interactions between the heart and brain. They concluded that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart. 

If intuition is your compass, stay calm and carry on. The greats just seem to have a knack of knowing when and how to risk and expand their horizons with brave decisions.

“The only real valuable thing is intuition.” - Albert Einstein

You may find logical thinkers unable to understand your convictions based on your gut screaming to do what simply FEELS right. How can you be so sure based on a feeling? Lieutenant Colombo always had a hunch (as do most detectives).  It’s a feeling that is deeper than thought or intellect. It stems from the heart… OR..

On a spiritual or holistic level, there is a direct correlation between intuition and the pineal gland or third eye (chakra). It is a form of awakening that connects us to the source. Meditation is a practice that will help you connect and develop your intuition. As we age and due to nutrition, environment and social programming, our pineal gland calcifies. Without nurture: exercise and stretching it can die, so to speak.

Ultimately, true intuition doesn’t need reasoning, evidence of validation. If you are caught between intuition and ego driving decisions, the ego will base decisions on Information. Not intuition, because It just is. Don’t trust it, obey. it is a channel connecting us to an all-knowing form of consciousness that gifts us with insight. It negates time and dimension because universal wisdom isn’t confined to these human-made constructs. Embrace time as non-linear and you will see that intuition is both the past, present and future converging in your gut, heart or third eye (pineal gland).

Vital Germaine

I talk a lot about intuition and the power of the heart in my book, THINK LIKE AN ARTIST.

Beyond Traditional Empathy

Common consensus and understanding of empathy suggests it’s between two sentient beings or humans. However, it can, should, and does go much further than that. It is a universal love language that transcends a heart beat. The collective that is nature, does not have a heartbeat perse, but it does have a consciousness. Did you know that trees, have a sense of community, sharing information amongst themselves. Such information as weather conditions like droughts are sent to each other as distress signals. Scientists refer to this as mycorrhizal networks.

Nature is a living, breathing organism that connects to all forms of consciousness and life. Our human experience would be much richer if we embraced, let alone understood and honored this phenomenon.

Understanding the relationship between humans and nature (the universe, god, allah…) means sharing an emotional experience with the natural world and everything that it encompasses… and not limited to this conceivable dimension. Modern research and scientists are exploring this concept. It’s called, Dispositional Empathy with Nature (DEN).

The thing is, this concept is not new but rather ancient. What we call “primitive” peoples or “ancient tribal wisdom” have been aware to his for millennia. Nature is honored like a god. It’s about understanding the full circle of life in which everything is intertwined and connected. We hunt a living animal for food, not for pleasure but for necessacity/survival. That animal is honored in its sacred sacrifice, meaning we understand and respect what it has contributed to the circle of life and the suffering it experienced as a result.

BENEFITS:

Understanding and implementing empathy for nature will help us resolve many of the worlds current problems. It would minimize deforestation, abuse of animals in the meat industry, pollution of our seas and waterways, extinction of animal species, lower greenhouse gasses… basically all human-made corrosive behaviors based on greed. The negative side of capitalism is that it opens the door to greed and exploitation of resources based on short-term-thinking and immediate financial gains.

It is time for humans to embrace and implement empathy towards nature? Absolutely, yes! We may not survive without it. If we love our planet and our children’s future, we must substantially shift our thinking, behaviors and our conceptualization of the vast expanse that lives beyond a heartbeat and a traditional mind. Furthermore, empathy is not a disposition, it is a quality that can and should be trained and developed. It begins with awareness. You’re welcome.

I am optimistic we can do better, we will REACH HIGHER.

Learn more about empathy in my book, PINK Is the Color of Empathy.

Vital Germaine

The Challenges of being Empathetic

Despite being perceived as a weakness, empathy is one of the most powerful (and beautiful) of human traits. It is perhaps the epitome of consciousness and our reason for being; the ability to see and feel another person, thereby connecting on a deep emotional, spiritual and intellectual plane. Beneath the utopian packaging hides a trap.

Having empathy makes you a high-value person in your personal and professional life because understanding and relatability eliminate barriers, bias and hate. I don’t think the world has ever needed empathy as much as it needs right now. We are so disconnected and at such heightened moral conflict, with social media adding fuel to loneliness, anger, hate and mental illness… and divisiveness.

Unfortunately, constant empathy is not possible. In particular if it’s one-way traffic. Like all things, moderation is key. Knowing when to give and when to protect the self is germane to mental, and emotional health. We must all receive empathy at some point, less deplete our light.

I recommend strategic doses of empathy to the people who merit or need your light. Empathy invites us to progressively expand our minds and open our hearts to that which we don’t fully grasp. It is not fear-inspired but rather driven by love and connection.

One of the biggest challenges we have as humans, partially due to our instincts to survive, is that we tend to look out for our own survival. The ego gets lost in this need because it doesn’t always understand the greater good of community. Due to self-survival mode we are often blinded by the needs or experiences of another. We become convinced that our way is the only way. It’s what we’ve been taught or programmed to be and do. To validate that programming, we spend the rest of our lives finding evidence to back up our belief-system. We rigidity stick to those established principals (cognitive dissonance). Empathy is the great nutraliser of bias and cognitive dissonance because it means seeing and feeling beyond the ego. The ego unto itself is not negative.

To practice true empathy, we must…

LEARN MORE IN THE BOOK, PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY, I do a deep dive into all aspects of empathy.

Vital Germaine

How to make fear your friend

It has been said that we either run away from pain or we run towards pleasure. It’s called the “Pain, pleasure principal.” by Sigmund Freud.

Running toward pleasure is easier, though running away from pain is arguably a stronger motivator. Fear can, however, paralyze. And that hurts. We are afraid of pain. It brings worry and stress. Meanwhile, it inspires courage and drives action… change!

Many memes and acronyms claim or suggest that fear is not real. One popular one is: False Evidence Appearing Real. Ignore this.

Fear is very real and not to be blindly ignored. It is the primordial warning mechanism that all living beings and organisms instinctually and inherently possess. It keeps them alive because it lets them know that something is dangerous. Courage is not inclusive of recklessness. The question is, how do you make fear your friend as a "motivator"? It’s a conscious mindset choice. Read more about how to open your mind in my book, FLYING BEYOND THE NET.

Acknowledge your fears. This doesn’t make you weak. It makes you emotionally intelligent.

Fear is one of the most basic human emotions, and emotions are what compel us to do things. Fear can drive a mother to find superhuman strength to lift a car that is crushing her baby. Empower yourself by connecting with your emotions. Leverage them. They will help you achieve your goals.

We tend to avoid fear because it’s not a fun feeling; other than when riding a “scream your lungs out” adventure ride. Other than that, we kid ourselves with empty words such as be “fearless.” It’s not about being fearless. It’s about having courage to stare your fears in the face and moving forward anyway.

A life without pain sounds like utopia. It’s not. If we don’t feel the pain, then nothing happens. We are numb. Fear can provide a sense of urgency, too… we fear the negative consequences of not doing something. Goodbye procrastination. Learn more about how to overcome procrastination.

The key is to stay calm in moments of fear. Keep your wits about you. Maintain clarity of mind. Your blood pressure will increase, potentially speeding up your thoughts. A panicked mind may run or freeze, so… slow down your breathing temporarily. A calm and clear mind will evaluate and understand a situation and asses which plan of action is best suited… options… best case scenario. Now that you’ve got clarity, inhale courage, exhale fear. Increase the intensity of your breathing, filling your lungs and blood with extra oxygen and your system with endorphins. Get psyched about the thrill of you overcoming and reaching higher. Want it! Long for it. Crave it. Obsess about it… then let the dream go cause it’s already yours.

George Addair says,

“Everything you've ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.”

Fear fuels desire.

If you like Napoleon Hill, he talks about the power of desire in his book, Think and Grow Rich. In fact, he dedicates chapter 2 to the topic. He calls desire, the starting point of all achievements.

Next time you feel fear, know that it is a tool for promote growth. It is an opportunity. Run with it. You’ve got this!

Don’t forget the “courage” part. There’s always the Wizard of Oz if you lack in that department. Oh wait…. the Wizard of Oz lives inside you. The magic is in your hands. Inhale the courage. Exhale the fear. And now reach higher.

Vital Germaine

Access more learning resources by FOLLOWING ME ON

The Art of Communication

Communication is an art form. It’s only until something goes wrong do we realize how valuable it is. At the heart of most misunderstandings, disagreements, conflicts and failed relationships is poor, or disconnected communication.

All too often, we think something has been clearly communicated, only to discover we were delusional in our optimism and assumptions.

There are 6 pillars of communication. Knowing what they are is only the beginning of the journey to improving all of your relationships.

1. Body Language

2. Words

3. Tone of voice

4. Facial expressions

5. Energy

6. Intention

By learning how to master these 6 styles, your life will change dramatically for the better, as will your relationships and leadership skills.

If you want or need to improve your communication skills, I’ve created an impactful, engaging, and insightful 80-min, condensed online course. You can take it at your convenience - at an insanely affordable price.

Your Course Take-Aways

• Become a more confident and impactful communicator

• Elevate your self-confidence

• Optimize engagement with subtle shifts in your style and technique

• Improve story-telling ability and inspire action from clients, team members and friends

Thank you,

Vital Germaine

What does empathy look, sound, feel and taste like?

Empathy consists of multiple key ingredients that unto themselves are not empathy. The following behaviors are not necessarily synonyms of empathy, but rather traits that we will highly likely demonstrate or experience due to the sharing of empathy. 

If you can communicate the following 7 traits, it will feel like your are sharing empathy. You will begin changing lives for the better and become a high-value person at home and at work.

1. Respect

2. Compassion

3. Caring

4. Relatability

5. Sympathy 

6. Understanding

7. Listening

Read the top 20 list of phrases that communicate empathy in the book PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY, chapter 26. Here are the first 5:

The below list will help you understand what empathy sounds like. By using the structure and intention of the sentences whenever somebody you care about is going through a hard time, you will develop deeper bonds--deeper intimacy.

1. That makes total sense.

2. That would have hurt my feelings too.

3. I can see that.

4. You’re in a tough spot.

5. What I admire most about what you’re doing is…

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

Help spread the love, because it changes lives… empathy saves lives.

Becoming a High-Value Person

Once upon a time I believed that high-value people were only those with status: influence, financial clout or a broad-reaching network. I was wrong.

If we reframe the meaning of a high-value person, we elevate a lot of people who are undermined in society. That may include you.

The above mentioned people are indeed high value… however, the title of high-value person is not limited to that demographic. Some of those wealthy, influential people (influencers) may be of high value in certain areas, but not across the board. Maybe they provide very little emotional value to those they love; think of the overworked executive who has very little time and energy for the kids. That person is of very little emotional value; and money is not everything.

You can become a high-value person in any field; a stay-home-mom or -dad with a net worth of zero, or with a social network of just your dog or cat/gold fish; and of course aunt Sally.

It’s about how you are helping, supporting and understanding people. It’s about emotional intelligence.

The last words of Steve Jobs, billionaire, dead at 56:

"I have reached the summit of success in the world of business." In the eyes of others, my life is a success.

However, aside from work, I had little joy. In the end, wealth is just a fact I am used to.

At this moment, laying on my hospital bed, remembering my whole life, I realize that all the gratitude and wealth in which I took so much pride, has vanished and became meaningless in the face of imminent death.

You can hire someone to drive your car or make money for you but it's impossible to hire someone to deal with sickness and die for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost - "Life".

Whatever stage of life we are currently in, with time, we will face it the day the curtain closes.

Love your family, spouse and friends... Treat them right . Cherish them.

As we get older, and wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $300 or $30 watch - both give the same hour...

Whether we have a $300 or $30 wallet or purse - the amount inside is the same;

Whether we drive a $150,000 car or $30,000 car, the road and distance are the same, and we arrive at the same destination.

That we drink a bottle of wine at 1000. $ or $10 hangover is the same;

That the house we live in is 300 or 3000 square feet - the loneliness is the same.

You will realize that your true inner happiness does not come from material things of this world.

Whether you travel first class or economic class, if the plane crashes, you crash with it...

Therefore .. I hope you realize, when you have friends, boyfriends and old friends, brothers and sisters, with whom you argue, laugh, talk, sing, talk about north-south-east or heaven and earth,.... This is the real happiness!!

An indisputable fact of life:

Don't educate your kids to be rich. Educate them to be happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things and not the price.

Here are 9 ways to gauge your social worth.

1. The way you show up (be authentic, respectful and kind)

2. The way you communicate (sincere)

3. Your character (core values)

4. Be impeccable with your word

5. Your intentions (purpose)

6. Have more empathy with healthy boundaries

7. Show them you care

8. Giving back or paying it forward

9. Be a safe person (trustworthy / non-judgmental)

Society is emotionally struggling, in particular, the younger generations who need more emotional support than actual financial resources or celebrity.

As a parent, as a friend, lover, partner; be the best version of you for that person and you instantly become a high-value person. The best example I can think of, is a teacher. They rarely become financially wealthy… they are underpaid heroes! Yet, a good teacher brings infinite value to the next generation. I can think of one or two of my teachers who heavily influenced the course of my life, if not saved my life growing up as a kid lost in the British Child Care System. Their value was and is priceless.

Take a moment to self evaluate.

As a person, are you doing that little extra and being the best version of yourself with the wellbeing of others at heart? If yes, you are a high-value person. Congrats.

As a leader, are you inspiring and empowering your team? If you are, then you instantly become a high value leader. If you work at the register at Walmart, are your committed to providing great customer service to each and every person you ring up? If you do, then you are a high value person.

Have the mindset to want to reach higher each and every day, the mindset to do more for your village or community, the mindset to be more empathetic, to be more giving and caring etc. That is wealth right there.

If you are an influencer to the masses but provide little value to those who really need you: your kids, your significant other etc, then consider shifting the focus to those who really love you, not only those who admire you without knowing you. Ultimately, do that little extra and optimize who you are and become not only a high value person, but an extraordinary person. How to become your best self? Discover your IKIGAI

Former Miami Dolphins head coach, Jimmy Johnson, once said, “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary, is that little extra.”

The choice is yours.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

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The new book!

Building a powerful and AUTHENTIC personal brand

Let’s begin with the absolutely not so obvious to many. A brand is not a logo, a jingle, an ad or a slogan. It is also not the product, a symbol or a name. This is a common misconception to young entrepreneurs and first time small business owners who are “building a brand”.

So, then what is a brand?

The short and simply version is this: A brand is a promise made and kept.

Let’s break that down.

You can tell your customers’ all day long who you are, what you are and what you do, but the reality is, your brand is based on their perception, i.e, your reputation. Your reputation is based on “promise made, promise kept.” Do you deliver on what you say you will? If you don’t you have an anemic brand.

All the other elements such as logo etc, fall under the category of “brand identity.” These are the visible elements of a brand, such as color, design, and logo, that identify and distinguish the brand in consumers' minds. They help customers identify you. These elements are not the brand itself.

There are two brand catagories.

1. PERSONAL BRAND: this first one is rarely thought of. YOU in your every day life are a brand. You are perceived a certain way and you have a reputation that determines if people like or trust you. And we interact (or do business) with people we know, like, trust and relate to.

   The easiest and most impactful personal brand you can build is one that is authentic; a true and sincere reflection of your core values and your character. Not fake values that you contrived to look and sound good on paper, but honest, sincere values that you embody and live by in all aspects of your being and your business: your behaviors, your words, your actions, your habits and your patterns. Be aware that over time, your true brand or character will eventually be exposed. This is what you will be judged and perceived on… it’s your promise.

   These same principals apply to the business world. The essence of your character/values (personal brand) will bleed into any form of business you undertake.

   Read the blog: BUILDING A STRONG PERSONAL BRAND

   Read the blog: 3 TIPS TO BUILDING A STRONG BUSINESS BRAND

2. BUSINESS BRAND… read the business brand blog.

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What's the difference between KIND and NICE? You need to know this.

I hope you want to be a kind person.

Hopefully you’re not a nice person.

Why?

Being kind and being nice are often used interchangeably to describe somebody’s character. They are fundamentally very different, despite having overlapping traits. Just like cars have overlapping traits with planes (they transport people, they use fuel, they have engines, they need repairing, they can both crash…), they are entirely different.

Let’s break it down.

What I’m about to share is more philosophical than scientifically factual. It is however a reality, or truth, in the sense that perception is reality.

1. NICE? Allow me to ignore political correctness simply for the sake of making a point, and let’s be boldly honest, “nice guys finish last!” Who even came up with that phrase?

It’s a common aphorism and attributed to Brooklyn Dodgers manager, Leo Durocher. He used it to describe New Orleans baseball great, Mel Ott (Giants) due to the fact that the Giants sat bottom of the league (1946). Leo Durocher “complimented” Mel Ott, saying, “Do you know a nicer guy than Mel Ott. Or any of the other Giants? And where are they? The nice guys over there are in last place!”

The phrase stuck! It suggested lack of passion, desire or grit to win; therefore weak, submissive, easily pushed aside, not valued or respected.

Are nice guys under valued etc? Whether or not they are factually undermined is irrelevant. They are perceived as weak… this applies to all genders and non-genders (to now be PC).

Let’s go deeper by reading my book, PINK IS THE COLOR OR EMPATHY

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

How to stop being the losing "nice guy" or people-pleaser type.

If you are viewed as, or view yourself as a nice person who tends to please people and wish to change that, here’s some help:

The two most frustrating side-effects of being a people pleaser is that you exhaust yourself being so focused on the well-being of others, and that you become angry at them for abusing you OR angry at yourself. Here’s a harsh truth. You should be angry at yourself more than them. Why? Because you trained them and enabled them to treat you the way they do. Ouch!

Being a people pleaser will slowly eat away at your soul and keep your self-esteem at a low level, inviting more people to abuse or take advantage of your over-zealous generosity. You have probably already reached this level if you’re reading this. It’s time to change for you own well-being.

It’s going to take courage and time to overturn something that you’ve probably been doing your entire adulthood, if not starting in childhood. The good news is, you’ve got this one step at a time.

Let’s begin this journey of transformation by identifying the top 10 traits of people-pleasers. This is a simplified bullet pointed list from a Psychology Today article by, Amy Morin, licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist.

1. You pretend to agree with everyone.

2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.

3. You apologize often.

4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.

5. You can’t say no.

6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.

7. You act like the people around you.

8. You need praise to feel good.

9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.

10. You don’t admit when your feelings are hurt.

You may or may not have all of these 10 character traits. If you have multiple of these then the odds are you are indeed a people pleaser. If you are ready to transform into a more confident and decisive person, read on. If you aren’t ready, no worries, I am not here to please you. I am here to inspire and empower you to reach higher, grow wings and fly without a net.

How to stop being so nice; a people pleaser.

How do I know all of this? Because I’ve travelled the journey, combined with extensive research. Coaching others to transform into more confident and decisive versions of themselves has also taught me much. I’m happy and honored to share.

1. Set boundaries. People pleasers tend to not set boundaries, let alone honor them. By not setting boundaries you are fully responsible for training people how to treat you. Learn and establish a goal to set boundaries at the onset of every single new relationship moving forward, starting today! Trying yourself to say “no” to simple and seemingly meaningless things just for the hell of it. Get used to saying no! Train them to learn you are willing to say no. Focus on this if as if your life depended on it… cause it kind of does; your wellbeing is on the line.

   For the relationships that already know you to have non-existent boundaries and who are already trained to know they can take advantage of you, establishing boundaries will cause great conflict. Be ready to experience conflict, even the death of those relationships. It’s all necessary, so don’t stop honoring your mission. It’s gonna suck. Keep at it.

2. Stop looking for external validation. This will take time and a lot of inner work to find the true source of self within you. Now, keep in mind, humans are social beings and our status and self worth is influenced by how we are perceived and treated. However, deep down inside, you need to have a strong sense of self and self worth. Take time to identify your strengths and stay focused on those things about you. Slowly minimize your need to rely on compliments to feel good about yourself. It’s a process. If you start the work today and are consistent, you’ll be surprised how quickly you can change.

3. Be aware that you are trying to people-please. All beginnings start with awareness that something is not the way you’d like it to be and that change is required. Being honest with yourself and accepting that, yes, you are the “loser type, people pleaser” will hurt and be upsetting. And ironically, that realization will weaken your already fragile self-esteem. Take the punch; a standing count. Get back up and begin the fight… today! You once were a people pleaser. That was yesterday. Today and tomorrow are different.

4. Visualize yourself standing up for yourself. Practice, practice, practice. It will take a while to get good at not people pleasing. Incremental steps and small weekly goals. Ask yourself, who you do people please the most and begin changing those interactions with conviction and finesse.

   Those people will now be upset at your new boundaries. They may get (probably will get) angry and disappointed with you, claiming you’ve changed. Hell yeah, you’ve changed! The new you may even cost you relationships because they will no longer benefit from your exaggerated benevolence. Who wants to give up that kind of perk? Very few. Deja vu??? Yes, I am intentionally repeating this. They could even try to manipulate you and accuse you of being mean, cold and difficult.

   Don’t become emotional! Logic and a cool head is required to navigate this selfish mirroring and blame shifting on their part. They know full-well they took advantage of you. Be stead fast in your transformation. Keep going. New and better relationships are around the corner. Time to get a new tribe.

5. You're not responsible for the feelings or problems of others. You are not everybody’s paren or babysitter. They are adults fully capable of making independent decisions and taking action to fix their problems and challenges. That shit is not your shit to fix!

6. Honor yourself … be KIND to yourself and live authentically. Some will call this self love. I prefer self care and/or self respect. As you honor yourself and establish new and solid boundaries, it may feel as if you are being mean. A hard “no” may sound insensitive and lacking empathy. Asking to have your needs and expectations met will feel aggressive to you. Keep going. Allow the pendulum to potential swing to the other extreme. In time you will find the happy medium. But now, for once, it must be all about you. You’ve got this.

Having said all of this, please remember that in your mission to toughen up and stop being a people pleaser, it’s still okay, if not recommended to always be kind.

How can you be kind and not be a people pleaser (a nice guy who finishes last)? Read my blog, What’s the difference between being kind and being nice. You need to know! If you’re committed about changing, I can and will help. Contact me for a FREE 15 minute coaching discovery session.

If you agree/disagree, or would like to add to this blog, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

What is Cognitive Dissonance and why you should know?

cog·ni·tive dis·so·nance

/ˈkäɡnədiv ˈdisənəns/

Learn to pronounce

noun

PSYCHOLOGY

1. the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.

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If you’d like help along your growth journey, please connect with me and get a FREE 15 minute discovery session.

Learn more in my book, FLYING BEYOND THE NET.

If you agree/disagree, or would like to add to this blog, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment.

Vital Germaine

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What exactly is success and how do you know when you are successful?

The common accepted definition of success is; the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. If you google success you’ll come across more elaborate explanations like this one:

Your individual definition of what success is may vary, but many might define it as being fulfilled, happy, safe, healthy, and loved. It is the ability to reach your goals in life, whatever those goals may be.

At very young ages we are told or programmed to perceive success as winning a metaphorical trophy; an achievement. However, many people have achieved much in their lives, yet they don’t feel successful. And in contrast, I know some people who have “achieved” very little, yet they feel fulfilled, accomplished… successful.

Success is a very subjective thing.

We each pursue different milestones or accolades to validate our worth; a degree, getting the hot girl/boy, driving the fancy car, getting a promotion, making money… but if we go deeper, the pursuit of all those “things” are simply to make us feel a certain way. We are emotional beings. We are attracted to that which makes us feel: good, secure, loved, welcome, at peace and whole. We choose a partner because of how they make us feel, not because of how we feel about them (dig deeper into yourself and you’ll see the truth in this).

As long as we focus on “things” to define our success, we will constantly be in hot pursuit of the next high. And it’s exactly the next high that we crave. We’ve all heard of retail therapy, right? Those purchases make us feel good; high. They are, however, short-term feel-good factors… shallow, superficial and not meaningful or replenishing to our soul.

Most keynote speakers, life coaches and employee development trainers I’ve exchanged notes with, provide their clients with “X” amount of steps to make more money, to have more influence, to build self confidence, resilience etc. How many of them encourage clients and audiences to simply live authentically, find purpose, fulfillment, inner peace and happiness in who they are or wish to become… not, WHAT they want to become, but WHO. When we live in alignment with our true identity, our character, our values, objectives and our emotional state surrounded by love and connection, then we live in a successful and fullfilled mind state.

This level of personal development is my focus in my keynotes and employee development trainings and workshops. It’s about the individual becoming a better version of themselves so they can REACH HIGHER. When they reach higher, your organization benefits… your customers’ feel that.

Success is ultimately the feeling of feeling good about yourself and the life you lead. For some, it’s as simple as a log cabin away from everybody and with minimal possessions. For others, it’s a big big house and plenty of toys.

We are all pursing the same thing… a feeling of goodness. The material things help provide that feeling. But it’s the deep spiritual feeling of being at “home” we desire, and that can be achieved in multiple ways, including with minimal possessions but a richness of living and giving.

Start focusing inward on what makes you feel good about yourself; it will lead to happiness, inner peace and fulfillment; now that’s ultimate success in life. Success is something to be designed and created in the heart, not purchased.

If you agree/disagree, or would like to add to this blog, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment and make sure to follow me on social media for more inspiration and tips to help you grow.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

Imposter Syndrome?

For the most part, self-doubt is the catalyst for a lack of self confidence. This inevitably leads to a sense of imposter syndrome if we have achieved a certain level of success before we truly believed we were ready, or deserved it.

Without self-confidence it becomes incredibly hard to fully achieve objectives and enjoy them. Not feeling confident in one’s abilities can prevent us meeting the right people (including romantic partners), and gain authentic credibility or any form of status. HOWEVER… self-doubt is not the actual enemy… when leveraged in healthy doses, self doubt or imposter syndrome can bring great value to your life and those you interact with. How’s that? Because it evokes the following:

1. SELF REFLECTION:

The main advantage of a healthy dose of imposter syndrome is that it triggers a need to re-evaluate, by asking the following question:

“Am I good enough?” If you truly feel like you’re not, the next step is to get back to work, learn and grow. Nothing wrong in continual growth. It’s a Kaizen thing,

“Do I deserve to be here.” Unless you got there through nepotism, a freak act of nature, chances are you deserve to be there. You probably earned the invitation to be in that room. Do you deserve to stay there is maybe a different answer? If you truly feel like you don’t deserved to be there, the next step is to get back to work, learn and grow. Nothing wrong in continual growth. It’s a Kaizen thing.

Any form of decision-making is well served with an element of self-awareness and questioning. Through self reflection/evaluation, you can connect to your intuition on a deeper level, your are compelled to do more research, go back to the drawing board, realize you can do better and be better.

2. MOTIVATION:

It may sound strange to hear that imposter syndrome/self-doubt is a motivator. But, yes, it is. Wondering if you could do better/should do better is a spark unto itself. Wanting to do and be better is a fundamental trait for achievement and success. All the greats of this world have pushed themselves to do better and become better. They took the time to realize that they could do and be better. Always aim to do better and reach higher. Always gave a sense if imposter syndrome.

During my 5 years in Cirque du Soleil, I continually experience Imposter Syndrome. I was surrounded by the best in the world. It intimidated at first. Then become the greatest of inspirations. I grew and thrived. I went from afraid and unqualified, to captain of my team and the example to strive for.

By questioning one’s ability, it leads to the conclusion that you can do more, dream more, and become more, BUT… only if you are hungry to do more, become more and dream more. The hunger to grow and the emotional intelligence to realize you are not the next best thing since sliced bred is an exceptional motivator. Every journey of transformation begins with awareness, realization and then acceptance that a change is needed. The arrogant and overly confident one’s (who don’t experience self doubt) fail to see this because they are so lost and caught up in their own sense of greatness.

3. HUMBLES THE HEART:

Another beautiful and positive attribute of healthy imposter syndrome/self doubt is the humility factor. If you’re humble, it means you can’t be arrogant and over confident. Arrogant people tend to be blinded by their inflated self-confidence. They therefore miss opportunities to learn and grown because they think they are the #%&#. They also tend to belittle others who they view as lesser than themselves. Humility invites people to connect. Your humility can and will inspire and empower others. Your humility is an invite for self-improvement, because you feel and know you can be and do better. It’s a Kaizen thing,

The next time you experience self-doubt or imposter syndrome, don’t feel bad, don’t feel unworthy, don't beat yourself up. Simply understand, embrace and realize that if it remains a healthy dose, it’s your friend and a sign that something can and needs to be changed. “A healthy dose!” If and when the dose becomes unhealthy, then MAYBE it’s time to beat yourself up, unless the self-doubt is so bad that it has paralyzed you. Then you have fallen into the expected conclusions that self doubt is negative. Keep it HEALTHY. I hope you always have a small sense of Imposter Syndrome to keep you REACHING HIGHER.

Just in case I hadn’t mentioned it, reaching higher is a Kaizen thing.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

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