EMPATHY; how well do we really understand its concept and execution?

For the most part, people have a general understanding of empathy. Some confuse it with sympathy. There is somewhat of an overlap between the two, though the difference in meaning is beyond a nuance or a synonym. The difference is in fact substantial.

Too often, we think we are being empathetic or that we have empathy… but we don’t. We are simply comparing our perspective and understanding to theirs with a sympathetic heart; not empathy. It’s not as simple as putting yourself in another persons shoes. Why?

There are numerous factors to consider.

1. It depends how you wear that other person’s shoe… not all shoes are the same and can therefore not always be compared. Often times comparison is what we do. The downside to that is if we compare, and that same or similar incident left us feeling indifferent, then it’s very hard to feel the other’s pain. So, we really must step into their shoes and not only understand what they are experiencing, but leave our own emotions out of the equation.

   If they are feeling pain or grief for something that we find trivial, then we can’t offer empathy. However, we probably know what pain grief feels like. So it’s a question of focusing on the emotion rather than the incident and what THEY are feeling.

   It takes a great ability to focus on only THEM to grasp what they have experienced compared to what you are experiencing. You may think that you could easily walk a mile in their shoes with no issues, and you might be right, but you are not them. It’s not about what you experience, your opinion or perspective. True empathy makes it ALL about THEM. And that’s the hard part why most of us fail when it comes to true empathy. And therein lies one of the main reasons for human disconnect; the inability to practice or execute true empathy because we lack the ability to completely eliminate our personal opinions, our perspectives, and personal experiences from the equation. Now begs the question, is empathy then possible? I believe so, with lots of work on the emotional intelligence front.

2. Who merits your empathy

   Giving empathy or being empathetic can be emotionally draining. You may have heard about the social struggles of empaths who easily get depleted in social settings because they feel too much and absorb external energy.

   When extending empathy, protect your energy and emotional wellness by setting boundaries with the person in search of understanding. Set boundaries for yourself, too… how much can you give, how long can you listen before it becomes detrimental to you.

   Prolonged empathy can become toxic; you become a potential enabler, or you inspire trauma bonding which isn’t really a win-win scenario. Know your limits. Everything in moderation.

3. Who is the giver and receiver of empathy

   I don’t know if there is a scientific equation to determine who is the giver and receiver. My recommendation is to offer empathy to anybody you feel needs it, or anybody who is asking for it, provided you are in a strong enough emotional state to give a part of your heart and mind to that person. Empathy is giving which can drain. It’s usually the person in a position of confidence, emotional and mental fortitude who cares, who can, should and will extend empathy. In healthy relationships the role will often change; give and take as needed.

GOING DEEPER

We must be more aware and analytical of our behaviors, and levels of listening and understanding to pains and burdens which are not ours. Because once it becomes about us in the slightest, it is no longer empathy, but rather a comparison disguised with the mask of sympathy. That is not empathy.

As a society, we must dig much deeper into the meaning and objective of true empathy. There are in fact 3 types of empathy:

1. Cognitive empathy: the ability to understand how a person feels and what they might be thinking. Cognitive empathy improves our communication skills, because we become sensitive and aware of how we can best reach and connect to another person.

2. Emotional empathy (affective empathy) is the ability to share the feelings of another person. Think of it as "your pain in my heart." If their pain is in your heart, you have probably built a very strong, secure and deep connection with that person. Well played.

3. Compassionate empathy (empathic concern) this is more about taking action than just feeling.

Ultimately, empathy is always all about them.

Get your EMPATHY apparel now!

We can do this.

Sincerely

Vital Germaine

Is finding happiness as simple as choosing to be happy?

Is finding happiness as simple as choosing to be happy? It is much more complex than the eternal optimist will have you believe?

In the name of mental health awareness, happiness is neither a one-size fits all prescription or a simple decision determined by the self. Many eternal optimists will say that happiness is based on 4 ingredients:

1. growth mindset

2. perspective

3. positive attitude

4. gratitude

There’s a lot of truth in those, however???

I’ve been teaching and promoting the power of attitude and mindset for over 10 years as a keynote speaker, author and coach, fully knowing there is more to it than that. I still sing the same optimistic song and want to inspire happier, healthier and wealthier lives, but with more wisdom, awareness, and understanding. I have become more comfortable and confident in sharing the less “motivational” side of life. Through research and study, I’ve become more of a realist, if not simply more educated in mental and emotional health.

If happiness were that simple, everybody would be doing happy dances around the world. The four above-mentioned platforms are valid until…

Those in a state of grief (and grief can last years, even a life-time), will not find solace in those 4 pillars. Extended grieving (and the reason doesn’t have to be apparent), can lead to depression. According to some studies, 6 months of grieving becomes “Complicated Grieving” due to the death a loved one etc. However, childhood trauma can have similar symptoms and similar impact on the mind and body as CG. They tend to be treated differently.

What depression actually is for another blog. Most studies will say it’s due to a chemical imbalance. There could be more to it than that. Nonetheless, it’s as complex as happiness, just on the opposing emotional spectrum. But depression isn’t negated by the basic act of choosing to not be sad. It’s not just sadness. It’s a deep, dark wound that doesn’t necessarily have a direct or obvious origin. It has random triggers steeped in guilt, shame, emotional exhaustion, grief, loss, abuse (in particular childhood).

There are steps to minimize the impact of depression. As there are steps to increase the feeling of happiness.

Humans are complex social beings with different dispositions, needs, expectations and back stories. All of which collectively combine to shape and influence our mental and emotional state. Some have happy dispositions genetically (hormone balance and innate personality types). Others have to work at it. For some, the uphill pursuit of happiness is seemingly impossible; and then society condemns them for their negativity, which unto itself is reason to be unhappy/depressed.

I know, I know, their lack of happiness is a choice due to their lack of a growth mindset, optimistic glass-half-full perspective, positive attitude and of course, lack of gratitude… right? Science claims that one can not live in state of gratitude and be simultaneously depressed. 2 things to consider about this one-size-fits-all theory!

It’s very hard to be grateful that you have shoes when you haven’t eaten in weeks. Context, circumstance plays a key role. Same for somebody who’s leg just got bitten off by a shark. “Hey mate, be grateful he only bit one off.” Right, right.

The rudimentary answer is this.

Happy people have simply had their emotional needs met. Perhaps by design; they’ve invested time and energy buidling a life that inspires happiness with their basic human needs met. This is true if you subscribe to Abraham Maslo’s needs pyramid.

Not everybody can design their happiness, because not everybody can acquire their emotional needs. Circumstances are often out of our control… I know, I know; mindset, perspective, attitude and gratitude outweighs circumstance, right? Not everybody is that fortunate to have that innate disposition or the ability to develop such an optimistic mindset; just like some people don’t have the physical ability to run a mile under 4 mins, or slam dunk like Jordan or Shaq. Maybe if they had the right mindset? Maybe if they simply ate more spinach and drank more milk they could learn how to slam dunk, right?

Physical ability is easy to measure and quantify because it’s tangible and measurable. Mental and emotional health are not measurable or tangible for that matter. intelligent humans, we must begin to acknowledge that people are different and that there is never a one-size fits all formula for happiness in life. I truly believe that this level of empathy could change the world, inspiring more happiness. Oh the irony!

For the eternally happy and optimistic, I hope things don’t ever change for you and that the glass remains half full. If you’re experiencing a mild and temporary “funk” consider reading the book; REACHING HIGHER, 21 ways to keep life positive. It’s how I got out of my depression. It’s a book I often have to revisit myself cause reminders help.

Get your copy

For the deeply sad, lonely, invisible, broken and forgotten, I hope your needs will soon be met and that the complex pursuit of happiness is yours by the ‘morrow. If the sadness is too heavy or deep, consider reaching out to a trusted friend who will listen and understand, rather than judge, coach or cheerlead… or seek counseling.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

NO!

How many times as a kid did you hear:

• “No, you can’t do that.”

• “No that’s wrong.”

• “No, no, no, no, no!”

“Don’t look into Pandora’s box, children,” they said.

“Curiosity killed the cat,” I was told.

Curiosity didn’t kill the cat. Curiosity made the cat wiser and empowered. 

I implore you to look in Pandora’s box. Dive in with reckless abandon. Have fun with the content as you experiment, explore, discover, make mistakes, get dirty, fall flat on your face, and fail spectacularly. Mistakes are good. They are an opportunity for growth. The problem is, as adults we become so afraid to fail. Failure is a stepping-stone to achievement and greatness. 

Failing hurts. Failing sucks. We haven’t truly failed until we give up, however. Easier said than done, but nonetheless, don’t be afraid.

Toddlers aren’t afraid.

At each passing month and year, a toddler’s potential gets clipped by a fearful (yet caring) parent. According to some experts, kids hear 232 no’s or negative comments a day. Dr. Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA divides the child brain into states': “yes brain state,” and “no brain state.” Hearing no too often shuts down parts of the brain, enabling it to shut down more quickly and therefor become less open-minded, less incline to take risks and grow.

By the time they are 7, the power and beauty of their innocence has been tainted. There is still hope because before becoming adults, kids create amazing worlds in their malleable minds. Enchanted domains filled with friends, foes, and fearless fantasies, fueled by enthusiasm and inventiveness. With wings fully spanned, they are flying without a net to wondrous realms that adults have long forgotten and since abandoned. It’s a great shame that all these amazing, innocent possibilities become dulled in the murky quicksand of adulthood. 

One of the many beauties of working with Cirque du Soleil is their sandbox approach. They are big kids at heart, building elevators with no ceilings, attempting to stand up in new ways. Their lens is wide-angled and made of the purest diamond that refracts light in all possible directions and beyond. A kaleidoscope of promise. 

Your inner child is that wide-angled lens. Your inner child is your superpower. It’s the inner genius many forget to feed. Reconnect to that source and your imagination will indeed ‘take you everywhere.’

Everybody was once a child. Everybody has imagination. Everybody has unlimited potential. It’s not ability reserved for the elite or for famous innovators and theatrical geniuses within Cirque du Soleil. That superpower fades and withers at each time a child hears “no you can’t,” or “that’s not possible,” or “that’s silly” from jaded, narrow-minded adults. 

Negate the no’s of society. Negate the no’s in your head, too. Instead, say and think, “yes I can and will.” Spread your wings and fly. There are however times when a cold firm no is necessary. When it comes to establishing healthy boundaries that protect your well-being or the well-being of others, denying disrespect to manifest.

How often are you saying no throughout the day and promoting a “no brain state” where people shut down or stop contributing? Where could you say “yes” and focus more on possibility?

Learn more in the two books:

IMAGINATION WILL TAKE YOU EVERYWHERE (personal development version)

INNOVATION MINDSET (business, leadership and culture version)

Thank you.

The art of risk taking

There is an art form to rolling the dice in order to increase the odds of a positive outcome.

Is it time to quit the job you hate, buy the house, start your business, propose to your dream partner, ask that elusive love interest out on a date? They are all scary goals. When you take risks, the objective is to optimize the outcome, minimizing loss or "failure". Growth and change offer no guarantees. How do you minimize risk and optimize the reward/success? Well, the short version is… you gonna have to take step out of your comfort zone. That can be scary. Below are 5 pillars to help you navigate that fear and optimize the outcome.

1. INTUITION: The seemingly lucky people in life connect with, and trust their intuition in conjunction with the element of planning and analyses. The greats just seem to have a knack of knowing when and how to risk and expand their horizons. Intuition is not a blind act built purely on belief, it is your truest sense of knowledge. Intuition and instinct are not synonymous. Instinct is immediate and purely driven by the reptilian brain. Intuition includes your moral compass (values), gut, experience and the subconscious mind combining with your heart to tell you what is best or what is a negative vibe or energy.

Your gut or heart simply know. Deep down inside you get a sense if the risk is the right one and at the right time. Modern research is showing that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. On a holistic level, the heart is connected to the source of universal knowledge. Police detectives refer to this as a hunch… something they not only trust, but obey. Design a more promising future by connecting to your intuition. Leverage its power. Be aware you have access to it. Meditation the practice of using it will help ou develop it.

2. REASONING/EVALUATION: Compare and weigh out your best/worst case scenarios. Clearly define and understand the situation and the consequences. Are you observing and translating the signs? Ask such questions as:

• How influential will the value of that risk be and how will the result impact your life. What can you live with in terms of loss both on an emotional and financial level? Take the Blackjack player who takes all aspects into consideration before deciding to stick with what he's been dealt, or risk his hand by requesting an additional card. What are the odds that the next card is what is desired? 

• How much money/humilitation is at stake and can your afford to lose what’s at stake?

• What do the percentages suggest? If the odds are in your favor, take the risk… consult step 1 to increase the odds.

3. ALIENATION: In terms of pure business, have a pulse on what the market or environment is ready to embrace. If the change or risk you are contemplating is too drastic or dramatic, ask yourself if you will be supported in failure. Take into account how much conviction and resources you have up your sleeve to counter-act loss of friends/romantic interest or entrepreneurial venture. Are you equipped to navigate the storm of rejection, indifference or alienation?

4. ADAPTATION: Transformation is a progressive journey that demands strategic change and adaptation. The willingness to fail along that journey is a must... there is always a period of incubation and a learning curve to navigate during decision-making or when contemplating change or transformation. Risk and growth require patient nurturing while the new is sculpted. Most times the loss hurts. Can you live with that pain, learn, get up and go again? If so, definitely take the risk. Fingers crossed. Your institution has got this.

5. OPTIMIZATION:  The risk factor is ultimately based on what you can live with or what you are willing to die for? That is the boundary that confines or liberates you in regards to how far you are willing to elevate the ceiling and stretch your mind to the desired outcome. Put all these elements into place and enjoy the rewards of your risks and transformation.

Learn more in the two book:

FLYING BEYOND THE NET leveraging your creativity to grow your wings

Sincerely.

Please follow me on:

When the curtain closes on your career?

The show must go on they said. Must it, really or is that just a way to mess with your optimism keeping it naive and hopeful?

Have you ever come to a moment in time when you were sure the show had come to an end? If, you’re still alive right now, then the proof is in the pudding. Could it have been easier?

Cirque du Soleil, somewhere in the world.

“Well, you’re gonna need surgery as soon as possible.”

“And then?”

“Hard to tell. It’s possible we’ll have to fuse the ankle joint. That’s something the surgeon will decide.”

What did that mean?

I definitely didn’t want to hear what fusing the joint meant. It sounded medieval. 

“Can you see the break here and here?” the doctor pointed out.

The long, spiral fracture that ran up my fibula in a jagged line was more than apparent. To add to the dismay, the doctor pointed out the bone fragment in my right ankle. It floated, completely separated from the joint. 

Two thumbs up indeed.

Forget the morphine. I need a noose and a trap door.  

The assistant wheeled me to another room where Kevin and I simply waited some more. Kevin explained what fusing entailed but assured me it wouldn’t be needed. He’d seen worse breaks before, resulting in full recoveries. 

I was not convinced. 

We sat in silence for the next thirty minutes. The pain ebbed as it pleased — sometimes mild, sometimes unbearable. The clock on the wall seemed to move in reverse. Incessant seconds slipped by, an hour at a time. 

I am not ready to be ‘Cirque-umcized’ just yet — my own private joke, though I didn’t laugh!

Time invited me to reminisce and relive the steps that had brought me to this broken predicament: the childhood challenges of an alcoholic mother, and life in the British Child Care System in London. Life remained predominantly plagued by the memories of my sexually abusive, lying, and manipulative father. 

Statistics had predicted that due to my childhood, I’d be dead or in jail by the age of eighteen due to gang-related violence, drugs, or suicide. I suppose that it’s the series of choices we make in life that define who we are and where we end up.

As a child, a strong sense of imagination and an intense desire to find love and acceptance provided me with tools to overcome and not play victim. I can’t deny the fact that regardless of my mother’s personal demons, she instilled some valuable lessons before she became unable to parent.  Those lessons stuck.

“Never be afraid, Vital. You can and will become whatever you choose to be. Always pursue your dreams relentlessly. I believe in you. I know you will make me proud one day.” 

In all honesty, I am constantly afraid of life without the safety net of love and family. But she highlighted the values of African tribesmen who experienced fear but overcame those fears. “That’s courage,” she’d say. “Be courageous, and never let your fears hold you back. Nothing other than yourself can stop you, Vital! Nothing. Just believe and work hard at your dreams. Never give up. Never give up.”

Mum always encouraged me to dream, to imagine, and to envision all the amazing things that could happen tomorrow. Those dreams got me through my childhood, my adolescence. They still get me through life today because there are always challenges to overcome. There is always room for growth and transformation. There are always lessons to learn and goals to reach. Achievement is a never-ending journey.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

When is the right and wrong time to be the cheerleader?

What comes to mind with the metaphorical term “cheerleader”?

The answer to that can depend on your cultural background; are you American or not. The cheerleader type often mean well with their eternal enthusiasm. However, that endless positivity can invite resentment and a sense of disconnect. The ultimate solution is knowing when to be a messenger of positivity and when to be the pillow of comfort and understanding while saying nothing.

But how can you know when?

The answer is Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It brings great value on so many levels. Its strengths and beauties are heavily undermined when it comes to mental or emotional health. Mental health awareness takes acute levels of emotional intelligence to identify because people are incredibly skilled at hiding their shadows, less be exposed as a Debbie Downer, and who wants that kind of negativity in their lives?

It’s highly probable that people fake their mental and emotional wellness to not be a Debbie Downer, or simply to avoid being victims of social taboos, keeping up with the societal pressures of being positive, and of course keeping up with the perfect perceptions of the Jones’… who are also pretending and afraid to be “negative.”

Too many get caught up in their own lies or fake positivity, pretending they are just fine in order to appear strong, successful, and in control. Why fake it? It sucks knowing that deep down inside you’re not as happy or positive as you portray… it means you’re lying to yourself. And worse than not trusting somebody, is not trusting yourself. We all desperately want to live authentically.

Instead, we rinse away that sour taste of our own deceit with a double cocktail at a social gathering. It helps take off the edge, allowing us to blend in and happily exchange positive pleasantries that attract strategic friendships…. for some, the fakery gets darker; other forms of coping addictions manifest. OUCH!

It takes great courage to share negativity if you are in an influential position… let alone sharing the reality of every day life with its challenges and disappointments with the world; life is tough.

And strangely, when celebrities and athletes are honest about their challenged mental health, many criticize as if being a superhero in the public eye negates your right to feel bad about yourself. “They should just go out there and do there job!”

Nonetheless, the courageous celebrities who are exposed for being human give the masses courage to know they are not alone in their secret despair… and just for a moment we feel courageous enough to tell the world that we too are dealing with some sad shit. That confidence to share is short lived, however… normal service quickly resumes and we pretend all over again to be just fine. Being a victim of social taboos perpetuates the very issue I’m addressing; the demonization of sentient beings who sometimes need to cry and crumble yet don’t… “feeling” is “weak”.

Americans aren’t weak. They are more driven and impervious to pain and defeat than the original Greek Stoics like Marcus Aurelius who built their philosophy on the premise that “reality is perception.” Appear strong and therefore you are. So don’t you dare show any form of weakness.

Before moving to American in 1993, and becoming American in 2001, the idea of a cheerleader was so typically “made in the USA” type of thing. My European childhood cringed at the plastic pomp of toxic positivity served with dollops of cheese on popcorn, hamburgers and rinsed down with an extra large ice-filled root beer. Not to mention the loud, over confident Listerine inspired smiles spilling from chiseled jawlines that made Ken and Barbie proud of their “we can do this” heritage.

My disdain for American tackiness didn’t lack hypocrisy. I both loved and hated America for its cliches and positive predictability (and still do as a now Naturalized Yank). So much pride and honor ingrained into the fabric of this country’s young history, tradition and zealous commercialization of anything deemed as uplifting, grandiose, vibrant and optimistic. American’s don’t lose. They don’t bow to anybody. Fuck being submissive bitches! We’ll leave that for the overly polite pretentious English gentlemen, cowardly smelly fromage-eating French frogs, and humility-plagued Asians, bowing in submission (not humility).

There is nonetheless, much beauty to this optimistic American mindset designed to believe in itself even during the darkest of nights. There is a dangerous expectation to be positive at all times, however. And if you’re not feeling positive, then learn how to fake it with a big smile, positive affirmations and empty friendships build on escapism and fitting in.

Solution?

When somebody expresses a tough moment, a set back, cheerleaders will usually stand front-center and become their normal cheerleader self.

That “Go Get It” American positive, ambitious, driven mindset must be maintained, so they encourage their fallen friends to get up and go again. “You’ve got this! Don’t worry about your leg, said the cheerleader. “There are plenty of para olympians who also lost a leg. Focus on gratitude and you’ll be just fine.” … But is that the right thing to do? Use Emotional Intelligence to determine when.

If the cheerleader took a breath and focused on the fallen broken soul, rather than their own positivity, the interaction might be very different. Because while they’re jumping and motivating, the convo on the other side of the street is more like…. “Please don’t be my cheerleader when I’m crying. Make it about my pain for a moment will you, please. Cause I’m sick and tired of your perfectly happy life.”

When the mental burden becomes too much, what happens? America is addicted to self numbing; alcohol, addiction to TV/social media, porn, inspirational quotes etc. Bandaids aren’t doing the trick; perhaps short term. What the country is really looking for is deep human connection that is honest and caring. An environment where we feel safe to be ourselves; positive and or negative.

Next time your dear friend is going through a hard time, don’t be the cheerleader. Why? Because you being a cheerleader makes it about YOUR optimism and not THEIR predicament. Which is selfish. While they are grieving, sit with them void of judgment or advice. In time, and by that I mean, THEIR time not yours, leverage your lacking emotional intelligence to know when it’s time to help them snap out of it with a positive pep talk. Until then, just listen and sit with them.

“Merica, we must learn to allow raw, honest and sincere negativity to be a part of our everyday stories. Let’s become human again with less pretending or stoic perception that all is well when it’s not.

Now give me a: V. I. T. A. L.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine.

Is the EGO friend or foe?

The EGO has been studied and analyzed by some of the great thinkers of the world. Here is a simplified break down and perspective. According to an article in Psychology Today by Mark Leary Ph.D, he says, “The concept of "ego" is among the most confusing in psychology.”

We’ve probably all heard, if not made negative comments about a person’s ego ourselves. Why, because it’s commonly viewed as a negative. Check your ego at the door. Ever heard that one? It’s as if you were entering a saloon that didn’t allow guns (cowboys back in the day), to avoid conflict or death.

“Oh, what an ego?
”(insert personal pronoun) ego is out of control / so big… they have such a big ego.”

But is the ego always a foe, or can it also be a friend? Watch the short 4-min video below to find out.

If, and a big IF, you are able to check your ego (not at the door), but in the mirror, there is potential to become and overall better human being who brings value to those they interact with; at work, at home. That will feed your ego to feel good about itself because your relationships, performance and results will increase… you’ll be more likable and more trustable. Ultimately, minimizing the ego invites and inspires authentic and meaningful connection. After all, isn’t that why we’re here, to connect?

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

7-time author

Artist

Inspirationalist

What's the difference between creativity and imagination?

Creativity, like imagination, is very hard to define. As an artist, or a creative, you will nonetheless need healthy doses of both. They overlap sometimes appearing to be the same. Both can be enhanced and stimulated to free and empower your creator soul. But what’s the difference?

The fundamental difference between the two is that imagination requires no intent or action. Creativity is the implementation of what the imagination reveals. Creativity offers an outcome based on a strategy that can be calculated, spontaneous, conceptual, abstract, and unscripted. It needs action or expression in order to have any significant value. Let’s dissect the two.

IMAGINATION: One of many official definitions of imagination is: the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses.

In other words, it’s the conjuring up of “stuff” that does not necessarily exist or aligns with the reasoning of standard norms. It is not confined by logic or the laws of physics. It is limitless. It is the launching pad of creativity. It can simply be void of purpose or action, eternally floating in the ether.

Imagination kind of just happens randomly, at will, many times uninvited. The wiring in our brain is constantly at work as every thought includes a dose of imagination. Maybe the ultimate and defining difference is that creativity has boundaries. The imagination is limitless and infinite. We can literally imagine everything and anything. Nothing is remotely impossible. That is power!

Imagination has been our most formidable ally since the birth and consciousness of our species. Some would argue that it’s one attribute that separates us from all other animals… a gift that makes us “supreme" and advanced. It has also been our supreme enemy. It can generate such beauty, successes, and emotional escape.Imagination also invites advancement. But it’s not all power and poetry.

It can also and does engender extreme ugliness: massacres and genocides, WMD, greed and torture. It can produce emotional and cerebral paralysis through worry, fear, and anxiety.

CREATIVITY: Unlike imagination, creativity has boundaries and limits. Creativity has the challenge of turning ideas, fantasy etc, into answers into something tangible, or applicable. Those answers are limited to our knowledge, intellect and available resources. Where as imagination knows no bounds.

Creativity needs nurture and stimulation and doesn’t just happen. Many think It’s a skill or talent. It’s not. It’s a mindset fueled by our imagination. It helps us design a better life for ourselves by allowing us to apply solutions that negate roadblocks and defy locked doors when leveraged.

It helps us heal from our past wounds, in particular childhood trauma through expression. The wounded inner child seems to develop heightened creativity as a coping mechanism that often inspires art in its many forms. Though creativity is not limited to art… and everybody is creative.

The New York Times best-selling American author Eric Jerome Dickey says that, “It’s impossible to explain creativity. It’s like asking a bird, ‘How do you fly?’ You just do.” Dickey has a point, though I wouldn’t call it impossible to explain — difficult, yes, but not impossible. Is anything really impossible? That depends on your imagination and creativity.

You can learn more on this topic in my book, FLYING BEYOND THE NET

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

6-time author

Artist

Inspirationalist

How to Easily Resolve and Minimize Conflicts... at home and at work

Conflicts are inevitable and in many ways a healthy part of human interaction. Other times, they suck!

They allow us to see and understand what is important to us and to others… the metaphoric line in the sand. However, left unresolved, conflicts fracture strong, meaningful relationships and weaken the works in progress. Resentment builds, slowly turning to anger, disdain, insult and injury.

At the heart of most conflicts is miscommunication and most importantly, lack of understanding or empathy (emotional intelligence). The key is to resolve them quickly and effectively. How do you achieve that?

Here's how.

1.  MAINTAIN an optimistic outlook… by staying optimistic and hopeful, you will experience less frustration and therefore, more calm. A calm mind doesn’t get lost in the negative ego that fuels conflict.

2.  PRACTICE Empathetic listening… it’s not always about your perspective and opinion. Taking their angle into consideration could diffuse the issue.

3.  ASK the other person to suggest a solution. This one works wonders because it empowers the other person. Often times, anger is a result of having no power or voice.

4.  SEEK to understand… most conflicts are based on misunderstanding. If you focus on understanding, you may still disagree, but it’s hard to become negative or defensive. Did I mention empathy?

5.  CONSIDER your role in the conflict and adapt accordingly. Ultimately, we are responsible for our choices and behavior and can change them at any time. We can’t change the behavior of others. Conflicts are rarely based on one person or one side. This realization is the game-changer. Unfortunately, accountability is in big part the deal breaker. Carry this responsibility well and enjoy the rewards.

6.  ACKNOWLEDGE the opinions and perspective of others. Sometimes the simple act of acknowledging somebody else’s opinion is a massive first step to resolution. Let them clearly know you see and respect their point or perspective.

7.  STATE your case tactfully. Diplomacy goes a long way. Humans are emotional beings, with some being more sensitive than others. Tact doesn’t mean being soft or compromising your stance. Tact is about optimizing your emotional intelligence to secure a positive outcome.

8.  “ATTACK" the problem, not the person. This is the one that we too easily get caught up in. The problem becomes personal and we focus on accusing the person of wrong-doing. Though wrong-doing may be the issue, the root cause lies deeper. Take time to explore the real problem.

9.  AVOID the blame game. This is something we’ve probably all done at some point; blame. It may not be your fault, but you are always responsible for how you react or respond. Not everybody is capable of personal accountability. Make sure you are capable, less run down a cul-de-sac of zero growth.

10.                ORGANIZE a necessary and concise meeting to openly discuss. Focus on the resolve. The key it to use the time effectively and strategically. If you can’t meet in person (preferably), a video conference call (zoom, Skype or…). Make sure it’s done in a relaxed environment and opportune time. Address the issue openly and using the previous 9 steps… share this list with them too and both agree and commit to following this playbook.

BRING IT ALL TOGETHER: Tap into your Emotional Intelligence and become more aware of your personal behavior, needs and emotional triggers. Become even more aware of the triggers in others. It’s a two-way street. Breathe, relax, step outside of yourself for a moment and respond from a healthy place void of stress, anger or unconscious bias. If you’ve executed all ten options and zero resolve has been established, you may be dealing with an ass%&*#. Walk away and cut your losses. It’s a long-term win win.

LEARN MORE: My online communication course has a whole session dedicated to this topic. While you’re there, you’ll obtain endless tools to improve your communication and relationships.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

6-time author

Inspirationalist: keynote speaker / coach / trainer

How to find inspiration

Here are some solutions to help you find inspiration if and when you are experiencing “writer’s block” or feeling in a rut lacking drive.

When we find inspiration, or feel inspired, we are empowered, driven and compelled to do things; amazing things. We find answers. We imagine, we create, we become. We are fueled with a drive that provides confidence and resilience. Nothing can and will stop us when we are inspired.

The problem is, we aren’t always inspired. We are often idealess, unable to see beyond the issue. We feel stuck, hopeless even. Now what?

How do you get out of the doldrums? How to overcome those negative situations and be energized to achieve and overcome. How can you find inspiration? How can you invite it when it ain’t happening? How can you stimulate it?

In this video, you will find answers.

Sincerely,

VITAL ‘inspire’ GERMAINE: designing resilient mindsets that reach higher

Mindset Coach, speaker, consultant & 6-time Author

IMAGINE • CREATE • BECOME

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Are there coincidences or is it deeper?

You’ve been fighting so hard to take that next step in life or overcome the things that have knocked you down; you’ve been lied to and your heart’s been broken, or even worse, you are recovering from your narcissist x, you’ve lost your job due to COVID, or your career has come to a fork in the road, mid-life crisis, or you’ve simply lost your sense of purpose and drive. Maybe you’re not clinically depressed, but you’re about to give up… what to do?

The day we met.

When all was lost and I wanted to give up on everything, including life because I simply couldn’t envision the next step, the next chapter, let alone the next sentence of the story, I found an answer.

It was an answer that I had unknowingly leveraged throughout my life; an answer we all have access to. We simply forget the answers are always within reach. The shadows were seemingly too big at the team. They were too dark; overwhelmingly heavy. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to live. I had just lost hope on finding an answer.

Ironically, what saved me was the very thing I had given up on… hope! More specifically, a dog I had named Hope.

He was a rescue with a number and a computer generated name.

We spent 15 minutes at the animal shelter in the outside run together. He ignored me; that hurt! Even a dog didn’t want my love at the time. Then, as I was about to give up on him, he walked over, stood up, placed his paws on my shoulder, wagged his tail and smiled. That smile said so much. It changed things even more.

“Take me home. I am choosing you,’ he said.

But wait.

“I came here to choose a dog.”

Sometimes I believe there are no coincidences and that things happen because they must; we cross paths with certain souls at specific moments designed to teach us, help us, or ask something of us to give. The dog I actually came to visit had already been adopted. I had arrived too late and hadn’t even noticed Kibo. The assistant suggested I look some more.

Kibo just barked like most of the other dogs. He looked big and menacing. Who wouldn’t bark like that caged up, sensing your hours are up; either bark or silently die of a broken heart before the injection kills you.

The second he put his paws on my shoulder and chose me, I was filled with purpose and hope. I was going to take care of something other than me. At the time, I was at my lowest. Life had never been this dark and helpless. Most days I had trouble getting out of bed. At least I now had a reason to get out of bed; even if only to feed and walk my new dog. Kibo, means hope in Japanese.

Getting out of bed gradually became the new standard. The walks became longer and more fulfilling. The shadows lifted their burdens. I simply focused on being there for Kibo… really he was there for me. He was sent to give me hope when I had lost it. I clung to that ember of hope named Kibo. Angels wear strange disguises; this one dressed up as an Akita-Shepherd mix.

Hope turned into optimism. Optimism turned into action… baby steps. Without hope, I may have been writing a very different blog.

When are you on the verge of giving up, find one thing that gives you a glimmer of hope. Cling to it for dear life. Nurture it with every gram of energy you have in your soul. Allow that distant flicker of light to grow. One day, you will wake up and realize that it is no longer night all of the time. It may not happen over night, but with enough hope, it will happen. Enjoy the dawn. Life offers us new beginnings. We must sometimes dig deep. Hope is always there lingering, waiting to be called. It is your best friend; even if not a dog.

Hope is not an empty notion conceived by poets. It is real. Substantial scientific research has been done to show that hope changes and saves lives. (watch the video). I share and express hope in many ways; including through my artistic creations. Check out my HOPE line for Shokaku Apparel.

Sometimes we need hope from external sources. Take it, use it borrow it. Other times, it is our turn to be the hope for another soul. It is an eternal flame that gets continually shared and passed on. Thank you Kibo.

Sincerely,

VITAL ‘inspire’ GERMAINE: designing resilient mindsets that reach higher

Mindset Coach, speaker, consultant & 6-time Author

IMAGINE • CREATE • BECOME

How to become and reveal the real you

Removing our mask to show the world who we truly are is potentially one of the biggest self-imposed hurdles humans face. It takes some serious courage to be ourselves and live authentically.

We are continually bombarded by social norms and pressured by the expectations of those we value. We want to fit in, be accepted and loved. The painful irony is that if people only love our mask, then they can never truly love us. And that hurts. This toxic dilemma of the human condition invites loneliness. It denies our inability to connect on a deeper and more meaningful level with the many that need the true us. If we are all pretending, then wow, what a long play to watch and be in. Do we really have time for that?

Superficial convos at the water cooler or the bar during happy-hour serve a great purpose. They initiate an opportunity to experience more depth. Here’s the ugly double-faced side of that coin. Yes, we expanded our network and zone of influence, all the while, we present a “fake” personal brand to somebody, and now we have to keep up that facade, less be judged for being fake… OH, THE TRAGIC IRONY of wanting to make a good impression and be liked and accepted. But wait, there’s more…

Imagine a world where you showed up as you… FREE. Imagine a world where you were okay, confident and empowered to be you, void of social trepidation, not concerned, or having to impress, or keep up with the 4.7 BILLION Jones’ on social media. Wow, that’s a lot of people to impress and try to influence. Why impress them all? Why not impress the like-minded individuals whose purpose and journey compliment yours. If you were financially wealthy as hell, you’d be more inclined to take off your mask. Imagine the healthy boundaries you’d set. Imagine the people you’d eliminate from your life. Imagine the BS you wouldn’t put up with. Imagine how you’d live… damn, how cool would that be?

Over the years, I have found myself admiring those who live life unapologetically with balls the size of… well, balls that are larger than life. People love them or hate them, and they are fine with that. They say what they feel. They express their values and beliefs. They make enemies. They find meaningful, life-long relationships. Why, because when we honor, protect and honor our values, we attract that. If you interact with people with the same values, you will find you can disagree without experiencing fundamentally divisive situations.

BTW, I don’t like some of those authentic people and need to keep them far away from me, but I respect and admire them for their candor: Madonna, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk… and a few a-holes in my life that you don’t know, and probably don’t want to know (unless your values align).

This philosophy of pure honest expression and living, doesn’t mean being reckless, lacking compassion and awareness as to how your words or actions could devastate others. In your freedom and authenticity, be kind and respectful. Know when to speak and share. Know when to keep quiet for the greater good. Just don’t pretend. Pretending is manipulation. Pretending is deceit. Pretending is lying. Maybe that’s why the world has become more depressed. We are all lying, knowing that our own truth is not quite as “glamorous’ as our contrived reality or character suggests. We can lie to others but never to ourselves.

When we lie to ourselves, it becomes hard to trust ourselves. It becomes hard to look in the mirror and be proud of our character. An element of shame and guilt will slowly invade our psyche. We are then tempted to lie even more to convince ourselves of what we are pretending to be is real. But we know. The cycle repeats and repeated. We entertain destructive behaviors and develop negative habits to help us deny the shadows. That is not only emotionally and intellectually exhausting, it exhausts the soul, and who really wants that kind of #$%@ in their lives?

It’s harder, but much more simple to be you. Take off your mask.

Take off your mask and you will invite happiness through your authenticity.

Long term, the right people will find you. Long term, you will find love. Long term you will experience the sense of belonging all humans crave; even the extreme introverts will. Take off your mask and you will invite happiness through your authenticity. You may cry a few tears as you shed your fake skin, and your fake friends. It will be worth it in the end.

 If you need or want to begin that journey, check out the FREE resources on my website. They are designed to bring you value. If you are ready to do a deep dive into self transformation, connect with me to set up a complimentary discovery session to see if you are a good coaching client that I can help.

Remember to subscribe to stay in the now.

Sincerely,

VITAL ‘inspire’ GERMAINE: designing resilient mindsets that reach higher

Mindset Coach, speaker, consultant & 6-time Author

IMAGINE • CREATE • BECOME

3 Sources That Invite Success

We all define success in different ways based on our values and life expectations. Here are 3 platforms that will help you define and create what success is for you.

1. IKIGAI

People tend to feel successful when a combination of certain needs and values fall into alignment. This alignment or harmony is called IKIGAI in ancient Japanese philosophy. It is your zone of genius. Watch the video that breaks it down IKIGAI

Ultimately, it’s not a destination but rather a feeling unique to you. We know we we are successful due to our emotional response. We feel good about ourselves for (fill in your blank). Being aware of that can minimize an eternal pursuit of success.

2. KAIZEN:

Regardless of your definition, success is always a collection of well planned and executed steps that you commit to over extended periods of time. A teacher who feels successful has invested their time and passion to attain that which makes them feel successful. Same for a top athlete, a parent, a friend… consider the KAIZEN philosophy.

Kaizen is a Japanese term meaning "change for the better" or "continuous improvement." It is a Japanese business philosophy regarding the processes that continuously improve lives; culture, team dynamics, leadership, operations. It applies to your personal life and is easy to implement.

Along that journey, it will probably include being knocked down multiple times, but getting back up no matter what. How many times you get back up and continuing with the small incremental steps is a choice only you can make and commit to.

3. 21/90 RULE

To assist you along the journey of growth and transformation implement the 21/90 Rule. What is the 21/90 Rule? https://lnkd.in/gJMb7Ca

Sincerely,

VITAL ‘inspire’ GERMAINE

Keynote Speaker, Master Trainer, Mindset Coach & 6-time Author.

Inspiring minds to open and reach higher

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How do we unlearn racist and bias behavior?

The first and toughest hurdle to overcome along the journey of diversity, equity and inclusion is acknowledging that we all have conscious and unconscious biases. The line between racist and bias is dangerously unclear and relative. Either way, they are both learned. Which means they can be unlearned. Bias is not always harmful or detrimental, whereas racism always is. So, how do we begin to unlearn?

PAINFUL INTROSPECTION: It takes painful introspection, uncomfortable listening, and new actions or behaviors to understand one’s own flaws and obtuseness. Yep, it’s gonna hurt. You will feel shame and guilt, which will spark the desire to divert, deflect and deny reality. Most times we live in sincere denial of our warped perspectives; hence the term, unconscious bias. Just because there is a lack of awareness and intention, does not mean our unconscious bias is not harmful.

It took me years of internal work to understand and acknowledge that in the past, I had sexist tendencies (unconscious and intentional). I denied it to myself for the longest time, because denying it meant I didn’t have to admit, let alone accept that I had been wrong and ignorant the whole time.

Nobody likes that kind of guilt or shame trip. Shedding those layers of shame and guilt gave me clarity, wisdom and more confidence. It enabled me to become a better leader, friend, sibling; better human being. This heightened level of consciousness that we are all bias opens the door to true dialogue, learning, growth and change. 

1. EQUITY:  We have already been practicing diversity for a long time now in the workplace. Diversity has always been there, even through segregation. America is made up of diverse cultures. Leveraging the concept of diversity to open doors to more encompassing work environments has been helpful, but it’s not enough. We then added the concept of inclusion. Great! It’s still not enough. It is time to make EQUITY a standard and not a privilege. Equity means that not only is everybody invited to the table, it also means everybody is allowed to eat the same food. Further more, it means that your food is served on the same plate of opportunity as everybody else. Maybe most importantly, it means that you have a say on what’s on the menu, how it’s served and the overal design of the dining event… oh, let’s not forget that you get to smoke the cigars and drink the expensive cognac after dinner in the study with the good old boys. THAT is equity and it’s powerful.

   Through understanding, we can aspire to truly achieve the objective of EQUITY and have all voices represented and heard. For example: The Supreme Court should have a mandatory representation of diversity: black, native Indian, women, gay/transgender and so forth. That would change a lot right there.

2. GETTING DIRTY: In our personal lives, it is entirely your call or non-call. In regards to thew work place, an element of blame or responsibility can be shifted to leadership. Why? Because… despite the need for corporate programs and the help the provide, but only if they allow for mud and grime, you know, those courageous conversations we avoid and that leadership sweeps under the rug. If you have a “woke” President or CEO, then there is hope. Otherwise, it’s a question of, “Oh Please!” Checking a box serves no purpose, and will waste your business $$$$. Diversity programs must enable and incite getting dirty, raw, blatantly honest, uncomfortable and disruptive. It will mean elevated levels of listening and empathy. It will mean killing your ego at the door, redesigning policy, and implementing new strategies.

3. ACCOUNTABILITY: The next level in the unlearning equation is… claiming ownership and becoming responsible and accountable for our mindsets, choices and actions. Though company culture is a team sport, each team has a coach or manager. There are also individuals on a team that can propel or hold back a championship run. The higher up the corporate food chain you are, the more impact you have on the mindsets, behaviors and choices of your employees; the culture and the brand.

4. OPTIMISM: I believe we have reached a very painful, yet hopeful time in American history. All players must board the anti-racist (sexist/homophobe) battle ship. Together, we must fight for victory and claim the bounty, TOGETHER. A pirate once said, “ You’re either was us, or against us.” - Savvy.

5. LEARNING: Most journeys of success require training or coaching. As individual, ask questions to disenfranchised groups. Listen to understand. Put yourself in their shoes… and believe their reality. Imposing your reality defeats the purpose and prevents learning.

   Regarding leadership and culture, it’s about training the team. Explore my Diversity Equity and Inclusion Keynote and Training. It’s called ULTIMATE SYNERGY.

“Change is hard at the beginning. Messy in the middle. Gorgeous at the end.” - Robin Sharma.

WE’VE GOT THIS!

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

7-time author

Artist

Inspirationalist

10 best ways to develop resilience

If you develop resilience, everything changes.

Like all abilities, some are gifted with elevated servings, which doesn’t guarantee success or the increased odds of overcoming and achieving a goal.

What exactly is resilience?

Resilience is a super power that is in big part built on the platform of your attitude or mindset. Having a positive attitude doesn’t mean that everyday is filled with sunshine, rose petals and happiness. Positive people have down days and moments of doubt and pessimism. It’s a matter of not drowning in the dirt of self-pity and getting back to a mindset of optimism quickly. It’s about living with hope and belief that tomorrow can and will be better, even great. This mindset of hope builds mental and emotional calluses that enable you to weather storms and set backs. Like all skills, it takes discipline and repeated effort to master. The good news is, the curriculum is simple and easy.

No matter how hard the challenge, we have the choice to dig deep, know that the dust will clear. Adapt, and focus on thriving… you may need to design a road map or learn new skills.

Here’s the beautiful part.

If you bounce back once, you build an extra layer of resilience. Each time you overcome a problem your confidence grows. As your confidence grows you become more resilient because you believe you can and will bounce back. And that is a beautiful cycle.

Another key to resilience is the ability to be creative with your strategy and approach the waves in different ways with different tools. Sometimes the waves will crash and you’ll feel like drowning. Be calm and don’t resist. Trust the process, and yourself.

The Top 10 Resilience List!

1. TIME: Take time to catch your breath, heal and recover from each crashing wave

2. SELF-CARE: Indulge in masses of self-care

3. MEDITATE: Stay calm and carry on

4. INNER CIRCLE: Evaluate your circle and eliminate haters and naysayers

5. PURPOSE: find a powerful reason as to why you should and want to continue

6. DESIRE: Connect with your deepest desires… how hungry are you?

7. THOUGHTS: Manage your thoughts

8. EMOTIONS: Allow yourself to feel the good the bad and the ugly

9. ACTION: Take action on a consistent basis

10. CREATIVITY: focus on options, solutions and answers… there are always many

Whenever you get stuck, lost or pessimistic, copy, paste, repeat necessary steps in the list. In focusing on overcoming, your brain develops new and positive pathways that make you more resilient, kind of like building muscle at the gym. The more you work out, the stronger and healthier you become… the better you feel about yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the more good stuff comes your way. Make developing resilience as a life priority. Everything will change for the good.

Contact me for deeper learning and coaching options.

In my top-selling book, FLYING WITHOUT A NET, I share an inspirational journey that personifies the mindset of resilience. Resilience gives us wings, empowering us to overcome anything and everything.

The book has been called:

🥇INSPIRATIONAL AND AMAZING

🥇A MUST READ

🥇STUNNING MEMOIR

🥇COULD’NT PUT IT DOWN

🥇BEST READ OF THE YEAR

🥇READ COVER TO COVER IN ONE SITTING

🥇ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT

🥇A MUST

🥇INSPIRATIONAL AND AMAZING

In celebration of the 5 year anniversary of releasing the top-selling book, Flying Without a Net, the cover has been updated for a re-launch.

Get your copy today:

BE INSPIRED TO SPREAD YOUR WINGS AND FLY.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

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How to optimize your mindset

Mindset is not limited to what’s in your head.

It’s much further reaching than that. There has been an ongoing debate for centuries as to what the mind is and where it resides. We have been programmed to point to our brain when we think of the mind.

It’s a combination of every aspect of your human experience: intellect, emotions, thoughts, imagination, memories, beliefs, will, intuition, diet, spirituality (not religion) and beyond. Which means, the mind is not just in your head.

According to science reporter, Olivia Goldhill, “The brain is the physical substance, and the mind is the conscious product of those firing neurons, according to the classic argument. But growing evidence shows that the mind goes far beyond the physical workings of your brain.”

Many contemporaries agree the mind lives in the brain or in our head and is responsible for consciousness. But is that true? Even great philosophers like Descartes and Locke weren’t quite sure. Dr. John Hagelin  (leader of the Transcendental Meditation movement in the United States) embraces the idea that mind or consciousness does not necessarily exist in the brain.

Humans actually have 3 brains:

1. THE BRAIN: synapses fire in the brain, generating thought and ideas. Sigmund Freud claims the mind is divided into three levels of awareness (see image below) - Oh come on! Really?

2. THE GUT: is connected to inutuition, hence the term, a gut feeling. What you eat impacts your mind or your consciousness… we are what we eat or consume.

3. THE HEART: is connect to emotions… a broken heart. According to the HEARTMATH institute, the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. The heart also emits a frequency field much larger than the brain. So does that mean the heart is the dominant brain? Who knows, but the heart is the antenna to our consciousness.

Digested food and liquids in the gut fuel the heart. The heart pumps oxygen rich blood to the brain and back to the gut. The brain processes that information. It tells us to eat when the gut is empty. One beautiful synchronized dance.

Optimize your mindset (and life), we must nourish all aspects of the mind:

1. Meditate

2. Be mindful

3. Eat healthy

4. Exercise

5. Hydrate

6. Rest / recharge

7. Express yourself (release/let go)

Bring it all together through mindful living.

As a life-coach, author and speaker, I go deep into all those aspects of the human condition to help people optimize their mindset in order to overcome, heal and reach higher. In a nutshell, work on yourself at all levels. That’s when you’ll grow wings to reach higher and optimize your human experience.

To learn more about coaching or training options, contact me today for a FREE discovery session. Let’s get you where you want to be.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

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When it all goes horribly wrong... then what?

What does one do when life knocks you down, cause it will at some point.

Horrible crap is going to happen in life. Embrace that fact. Allow set backs to be without resisting. The event is not in your control… however, what happens next is. You get to choose. Are you going to become the victim or the student? I dug my way out of this career-ending injury, fighting depression, loss of purpose and direction. Shit happens. I had to re-invent myself and find a new purpose, or write a new chapter building on the same purpose.

WATCH THE VIDEO AND GAIN TIPS TO DEVELOP AND STRENGTHEN YOUR RESILIENCE - GAME CHANGER ALERT!

I share this insight because I’ve been through it multiple times, feeling doubt and the temptation to give up. And at times, I did… only temporarily. The ultimate solution is to get knocked down 6 times, but get up 7!

Below is an excerpt from the book, FLYING WITHOUT A NET 2.0

“Nooooooo!”

With seconds remaining, I stood at the center of the backstage tent, set to attempt something I shouldn’t have. 

Thud!

The pain hit as if a surgeon forgot to give his patient morphine while he poked and prodded exposed flesh with a blowtorch. 

I clenched my jaw and breathed heavily through flared nostrils. My body tensed. My temperature rocketed. The veins in my arms bulged and my tongue turned dry, yet leaked a strange taste. I wanted to puke. The brows of my forehead contracted. 

I closed my eyes, but pain and curiosity pried them open, so I looked down at my right leg. It curved and kinked askew, mimicking the left from the perspective of a warped looking glass. I took in long, deep breaths to fight the discomfort, lungs pounding against my ribcage. 

Breathe, deep and slow, Vital. 

Nothing changed. 

Why today? 

Ah, no worries, it’s nothing. Just a minor sprain. 

No, I can tell this is bad. I know it. This is the end. Why me? 

Stop. It’s not the end. Think positive. Exhale.

This is the sequel to the best-selling FLYING WITHOUT A NET

 IT'S BEEN CALLED:

• "A 10!"

• "CAPTIVATING. COMPELLING!"

• "EXTRAORDINARY!"

• "TRIUMPHANT. FIVE STARS!"

• "I DIDN'T WANT IT TO END!

• "WONDERFUL MUST READ"

• "POWERFUL, INSPIRATIONAL MEMOIR."

• "MUST READ. VERY INSPIRING."

• "VITAL DID IT AGAIN!

READ THE ENTIRE FLYING SERIES

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A revealing interview with a former Vegas police officer

A friend, and former police officer, Randy Sutton, shared a mind-opening experience that enabled him to learn, grow and expand his perception. It not only made him a better cop, it also made him a better human being, by his own admission.

At the time of this interview, the tension and awareness around police culture was still a tamed beast, partly due to lack of exposure to some flaws in the system, and the toxic culture. This interview sheds insight on some simple implementation strategies that would promote and inspire meaningful change. The journey of detective Randy Sutton, began with a simple experience that changed so much for him. One change creates ripple effects.

“We have all been guilty, at some point, of resisting change. I am as guilty as anybody else.”

- Officer Rand Sutton

Officer Sutton’s mindset was shifted by a mentor who simply exposed him to a new way of perceiving life.

Sutton: “It allowed me to open up my mind to a wide variety of people. And I realized that I had to stifle my own thought processes and was a little myopic in the way I viewed the world. It allowed me to grow as a person. It allowed me to express myself, and from that, I became a healthier human being.

Times have changed a great deal from the time that I was first a police officer. Cops will always deal with the worst of humanity. They will always be exposed to violence, to cruelty. Things that people should really never see. The other side of that coin is that there are so many more diverse workplaces now than when I was a young cop. There were very few women in the job; there were very few blacks or Hispanics in the job. It was a lily-white kind of job and that’s changed tremendously. That’s innovation for you. Because of that, there is a much richer environment in which to work.” 

Me: “Diversity has become this important buzz word. Did you witness resistance to this sort of organic change that was happening?” 

Sutton: “Yes, I was part of that resistance. We have all been guilty, at some point, of resisting change. I am as guilty as anybody else. The mindset of creativity minimizes resistance due to being open and willing to embrace the new.” 

Me: “Do you want to share a little bit of that?” 

Sutton: “Sure. My police department back in Princeton...

Read the full interview in Chapter 30 of INNOVATION MINDSET.

The big lesson from this interview, is that it would actually take very little to inspire positive change. Like any cultural shift, it takes a few fundamental action steps:

1. Acknowledging change is needed (the most simple yet most difficult step to achieve)

2. Accountability from leadership (equity)

3. Setting a clear intention (redefining mission: de-escalation over enforcement)

4. Establishing a roadmap

5. Training

Serve and protect must be re-defined: who are we serving and who are we protecting, and why? What does serving and protecting look like? Is it deescalation or enforcement?

If there is one department across the American cultural landscape that needs innovation, it’s our police force. True, authentic, Cultural Diversity and Inclusion needs to be the new programming. That includes the vision, the mission statement… and beyond.

A fundamental mindset shift, if not re-invention in our law enforcement policies could single-handedly, promote and inspire a country that truly honors the intentions of our constitution. I am a romantic and believe we can and will live those words of total inclusion: for ALL.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine,

PRESIDENT of ENGAGE Teams 360

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As president of ENGAGE Teams 360, my mission is to inspire and promote more forward-thinking mindsets and cultures, with a focus on solutions. If your company is ready to address and improve its Cultural Diversity, Equity and Inclusion program and/or philosophy, we’d love to help you with our virtual training sessions. Contact us today to learn more.

Sexism and racism... the unfortunate parallels

I believe it would be wrong of me, as a man, to deny that sexism (which was also systematic) exists based on the fact that some women have treated me poorly, too. The issue is not about ME and my experiences. It is about the bigger picture of sexism. And men, let's be brutally honest with ourselves (accountability), what was the norm? We'd call those women who stood up, "They're over reacting and being emotional... OR, she's a PMS-ing bitch." The same principal applies to racism.

Having said that, I am glad women have been finally heard and that some of the main chauvinist a-holes have been jailed and held accountable. More needs to change regarding sexism. More change needs to happen regarding all forms of discrimnation. It just happens that racism is the current and urgent focus as it is costing lives.

We have reached a potential tipping point. We have never had this much understanding and support (globally) from the white community. Please continue supporting to end racism. Don't get lost in political agendas and manipulation of reality. Politics and racism are two separate issues.

I believe change is around the corner and it may get ugly before the sun shines.

"Change is hard at first. Messy in the middle. Gorgeous at the end." - Robin Sharma

We are still in the, hard at first, messy in the middle phase. We can and we will reach the gorgeous phase. :)

Should We Be Grateful for COVID 19?

I am not remotely grateful for COVID 19! The lessons learned, even though at an exorbitantly painful and high cost (human life) are powerful.

HEAL THE WORLD: The changed reality of “Love in The Times of COVID19” may well bring endless blessings. For the romantics and woke people, the world is healing.

WELLNESS: We have been forced to slow down and breathe.

FAMILY: The levels of distractions and temptations have diminished as we have collectively recalibrated our values barometer. The hustle and bustle lifestyle and mindsets focused on making more money to buy more toys has faded into the sunset of capitalistic opportunity, envy and greed. More people seem to get it now.

• Do we really need that extra job to buy the second car to impress people we don’t even really know, let alone like?

• Is it necessary to spend more than half of your life in a cubicle in the hope of climbing the ladder? And to what real gain?

The beauty and strength of family has been sacrificed for immediate rewards to gratify our addiction to the sweet sugar of money and possessions. Yet, when all is said and done, living for money costs us infinitely on a much more profound emotional scale.

• We have been compelled to spend more time (hopefully it’s quality) with those we love (our family). Thank you.

The concept of family has been in steady decline for several decades. Why? Because the togetherness and healthiness of family got replaced with superficial needs and wants.

Inevitably parents are once again Investing in their children’s futures by being present parents. Otherwise, it’s standard modern parenting, which means, pay for education and school supplies, breakfast and dinner (usually fast food or processed food), an iPhone and a babysitter/nanny. Emotional stability is priceless, and has cost the wellbeing of recent generations. They have been raised pretty much by themselves in front of TV’s and electronic gadgets to replace our selfish need to hustle and feel worthy to the Jones’ (who actually don’t give a crap other than being better than you). Community centers have filled some of the void. But hey, thank you COVID19. Your destruction may have saved that day.

“Yay, let’s all eat a home cooked meal together.”

Parents are parenting again, even though many are humorously bitching on social media about going insane. This means, families are having meaningful conversations (and arguments). They are getting to learn each other’s quarks on a deeper and more intimate level. Kids need that kind of shit!

It is such a shame that something so dramatic and drastic is the teacher. Typically and regrettably, the greatest lessons and the biggest growth comes as a result of great pain and loss.

Now the big question is, where do you and your family go from here when “normally” resumes?

You’ve got this.

 Sincerely,

Vital Germaine,

Life-coach, keynotes speaker and top-selling author.

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