How to manage the EGO
/The ego is often talked about in regards to highly driven, opinionated, ambitious or “selfish” people. We say that the hunger for success or growth is all about their ego? Is this really true and is ego the enemy?
The ego can be a great motivator for achievement and growth; a tool for empowerment. It heavily impacts our lives at home and at work. So what exactly is the ego and how does it effect our decision-making and relationships.
Sigmund Freud divided the human psyche into three components:
THE ID: this is the instinct or primitive part of our character. It is said that babies only posses the id. The other two components only develop as we mature. The instinct is designed to keep as safe from danger. The id is impulsive void of reason and not affected by external factors. It seeks to experience pleasure and reward with no understanding as to consequence or morality (Freud’s Pleasure Principal). It just does. It resides in the unconscious realm of the human psyche.
THE EGO: One could say that the ego is the evolved and conscious version of the id. It understands morality, desire and guilt and makes decisions based on the outcomes of our desires. If reasonable, it will take consequences into consideration (empathy) preventing narcissism or selfishness but rather promoting selflessness. The irony in being selfless is that it makes the giver feel good about themselves, which we could argue is feeding the ego by bringing value or importance to the existence of that individual. It's a complex and slippery slope worth thinking about. Russian Objectivist philosopher Ayn Rand suggests that even altruism is a selfish act that feeds the ego. “We give to feel good, “ therefore it is about the ego to fuel our pleasure / reward need. There is value in this concept. I am by no means condoning narcissism or total objectivism. I believe in altruism as a foundation for a better society… the greater good.
THE SUPER EGO: this is the mediator and bridge between primitive impulse (id) and conscious reasoning (ego). It prevents the id from making impulsive decisions (craving for sex, drugs and other “immoral” pleasures). The super ego is a back up system designed to keep the ego in check, preventing it from inflated self perceptions, greed and narcissism. The super ego has empathy at its heart. It guides and drives our moral compass, protecting it from both the id and the ego.
We can leverage our ego to the benefit of the bigger picture that is the world, our family, place of work, those we interact with and influence. Don’t shy from leveraging your ego and leaning in to it for confidence, fuel and direction. The ego helps us determine and protect that which we hold in high esteem (our values and our boundaries).
The ego only becomes negative when it blinds us of the bigger and better picture of doing the right thing at the right time for the right reasons.
The downfall of our character due to ego is when it blinds us from doing what’s right. The ego turns negative when it invites conflict, greed, disengagement, disappointment, resentment, envy, bullying, jealousy, and misunderstanding due to lack of empathy. The ego feasts on fear and control. None of these are positive traits of empowerment. The positive ego does what is right for humanity. It is concerned with a romantic bigger picture that inspires, nurtures, protects and empowers.
Finding the balance and thrive. Finding the balance and help others thrive too.
Dive into your emotional intelligence and take the time to self evaluate. The challenge here is that if your ego is getting the better of you, you will be unable to identify that fact. Dive even deeper into who you are and how you are perceived (get feedback). Adapt accordingly and thrive.
If you are dealing with somebody whose ego is inflated, you have two options.
RUN! This is the easiest option and sometimes the right thing to go.
EMPATHIZE. Understand who they are and why. In other words, tap into what they need: emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. What’s their motivation? Nurturing that drive is a secret weapon that will strengthen the relationships, but only if you set clear and defined boundaries and don’t allow yourself to be depleted due to one-way traffic. Be bigger and above their blinding ego.
You’ve got this.
If this blog was of value, please like or share. Feel free to comment... even if they are ego driven :)
THANK YOU.
Vital Germaine
