Is vulnerability a strength or a weakness?

Vulnerability is an interesting word that has become “buzz”. It gets thrown around a lot in our personal lives as much as it does in the business world regarding leadership. Should there be crying in baseball? What’s the difference between being vulnerable and complaining or whining? Should we show our Achilles heel, if so, when and how much?

The definition of vulnerability according to Dictionary is, the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. This definition does suggest exposing yourself to danger… a weakness.

The heightened awareness of this word seems to coincide with a general shift in consciousness from what was a more “masculine energy” driven world (both at home and at work), with stoicism symbolizing strength, to a more “feminine energy” inspired modern world, with empathy and vulnerability demonstrating strength and courage. 

As women claim their power, are men losing theirs?

As “feminine energy” influences society more and more (which is a blog unto itself), leadership and business practices and societal behaviors are shifting dramatically. Change is inevitable! Are current trends such as #Metoo that have knocked several men off their all mighty perch (and rightly so) been fueled by the Millennials and the even more recent Gen Y and Z?

Gen Y and Z seem to be more sensitive to purpose and experience-driven living… which opens the door to sharing and collaboration. Thanks to Millennials, we have seen drastic changes in how businesses operate. Organizations have become more sensitive to the new mindset and have adapted their policies and cultures. Modern leadership is showing the value of vulnerability. However, the perception is still up for debate. Not to mention “Political Correctness” and “Participation Trophies.” This all suggests a more empathetic and considerate world… or a world turned soft and plagued with rewarded vulnerability.

WEAKNESS?

In sports, you don’t show you are tired, intimidated or uncertain, unless you’re Muhammad Ali leveraging the “rope-a-dope technique, where he appeared to metaphorically be against the ropes… weak, beaten… vulnerable. In sports you remain stoic, cool, calm and collected. Vulnerability can and will lead to defeat. Sports often acts as a good analogy and example for real life, however, in real life we are looking for connection and acceptance. In sports we are driven by victory which means somebody must lose. I don’t think “men should cry in baseball.” Save those tears for off the field and at home with those you love and trust, or for podcasts and T.V. shows where celebrities like Michael Jordan shed tears. On the playing field, definitely a weakness. In real life? It’s subjective.

What isn’t subjective is the fact that when you are whining and complaining then your vulnerability is a weakness! Know the difference.

Whining and complaining serve little purpose other than inviting pity from those you are being “vulnerable’ to. NOTE: There isn’t a defining barometer as to when we are venting and sharing vulnerability and when we are whining and bitching. You know the difference when you see it. Kind of like the difference between porn and erotic art. It’s a thin vague line that separates the two, yet they are very different.

STRENGTH?

In order for vulnerability to be empowering, you must express it with confidence and own the story. In other words, you can neither be the victim or prisoner in the story. For example: I can ask for help with passion and wisdom to position myself for growth and success because I don’t have the answer or am experiencing grief or pain (which makes me human and relatable)… this is the power of vulnerability. It says that I am not perfect and open to help or advice though I have a plan or an opinion but am smart enough to seek counsel. OR I can ask for help while whining that this shit is too hard (weakness).

In regards to leadership and business, I believe the great leaders, through emotional intelligence, know when to be vulnerable and how strong the dose should be. Those great leaders create positive ripples that impact the team, the culture and your bottom line. Leadership also applies in your personal life, btw, as you create ripple within your family, circle of friends and those you love.

I encourage vulnerability and value it as a powerful modern masculine trait… as long as you don’t whine and complain “bitches.” And oh btw, you can even cry and still be strong. That kind of shit takes courage… which is a strength.

Ultimately, vulnerability invites trust from the other person. It’s like showing up at a gunfight and dropping your weapon. You have set yourself up to potentially die… or make peace. Peace is powerful. It incites connection… and isn’t that why we are here in the first place. To learn, grow, contribute and connect?

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

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The Empath and other Neurodivergent Social Stigmas

I consider the empath to belong within the group labelled, neurodivergent. Empaths are not neurotypical.

The general understanding of neurodivergent is predominantly associated with people who are on the autism spectrum. It also includes anybody whose brain functions differently.

This is what the Cleveland Clinic has to say about the neurodivergent.

PART 1: The term “neurodivergent” describes people whose brain differences affect how their brain works. That means they have different strengths and challenges from people whose brains don’t have those differences. The possible differences include medical disorders, learning disabilities and other conditions.

It’s a polite, politically correct term “they” give to those “they” view is mentally f%&*@d up.

PART 2: The possible strengths include better memory, being able to mentally picture three-dimensional (3D) objects easily, the ability to solve complex mathematical calculations in their head, and many more.

Society tends to only register Part 1… the disorders, challenges or “conditions”.

If we focus on Part 2, we realize that neurodivergence is a gift, a superpower that is above the norm.

Society likes to keep people in alignment with the lowest common denominator for the sake of control and/or assimilation into the set standards of an outdated education system designed to create conforming worker-bees. And btw, the Empath and HSP are forms of neurodivergence.

Let’s take Part 2 to a different level, starting with so-called ailments and disorders such as ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Just because the average person lacks curiosity and intrigue and is almost numbed by mass hypnosis and made placid in thought, doesn’t mean that the highly curious have a disorder. Rather than medicate and numb brain, put them more challenging and creative environments, or teach them mediation. As far as I am concerned, lacking curiosity is a disorder. Ask Albert Einstein, who once said, “I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious”. Passionately curious!

Let’s take ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), in short, overly active with heightened spontaneity. Is that really a disorder, compared to being an emotionally numb drone of middle society? Encourage and inspire them to choose careers that require more energy and quick decision-making. This is a rudimentary suggestion that requires deeper thinking and exploration, but without that deeper exploration, prescriptions and shaming aren’t really solving the “problem”.

The list of diagnosed disorders as acronyms is endless. And btw, almost all of them are recent phenomenon or labels with a negative connotation. How are they treated? With pharmaceuticals that make them act like everybody else. Hmmm. How are they created? Arguably pharmaceuticals for financial gain by obligating people to be on life-time medication. Genius.

Perhaps we should embrace and elevate this exceptional people rather than condemn and banish them to an inferior status guilted into shame as if they have cerebral cooties.

So, let’s talk about the disorder of being highly sensitive (HSP). Again, this is not a disorder. It’s a gift, as superpower, as is autism and ADD etc. Think Rain Man (movie with Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise. Dustin Hoffman’s character has extraordinary mathematical abilities… “they” consider that a disorder… LMAO.

If you fall into the category of a neurodivergent, in any, and all of its numerous variations: Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder (DPDRD); Other Specified Dissociative Disorders (OSDD); Unspecified Dissociative Disorder (UDD) etc, etc… including the empath, the psychic, or Rain man/women), begin celebrating your unique gifts and end the shame. You are special. You are magical. You have a superpower. I honor you!

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine (The Sigma Empath)

Narc Abuse Recovery

Surviving a narcissist may well be one the most heroic and courageous human acts you will ever go through.

Why?

Because you are basically fighting for your soul. During that struggle you will face 3 adversaries.

1. THE NARCISSIST: they will victimize you in endless typical ways, including: gaslighting, love-bombing, triangulation, bread-crumbing, lies, manipulation, one-upping, denial, deflection, projection….

2. YOUR LOST SELF: you are no longer the same you and you won’t understand what hit you. You’ll be confused, disorientated, helpless… LOST.

3. DISBELIEF FROM SOCIETY: narc abuse is so horrific that others will find it hard to believe you (a form of subconscious collective gaslighting). Not to mention the narcissist’s “flying monkeys”. The only people who might believe you and relate, are those who have walked your path.

The result of these three adversaries can become total self-isolation as a protective mechanism. Finding your soul again after it has been chewed, sucked dry of life and then discarded like trash is one of the most painful wounds a human can experience. It is torture. Be kind to yourself during your recovery steps. SELF-EMPATHY.

Those who have not experienced it may undermine the damage it does. Good for you if you haven’t experienced narc abuse. I’m glad you have no idea what I am talking about. If you have, I feel your pain. You are not alone.

Narc abuse over long term, literally cause the brain to change. This physiological change impacts decision-making, memory, and general cognitive decline. Left unresolved, quickly morphs into chronic stress disorders.

This is only the tip of the iceberg of navigating narc abuse and/or understanding what it means to be an empath.

If you are an empath, the odds you have experienced the narc are so high. Empaths are prime bait for the narcissist, until… the empath becomes empowered. Everybody and anybody should be empowered to fight the darkness of the narcissist. They show up as toxic bosses, our sons and daughters, our parents, siblings, trusted best friends… and most impact fully as romantic partners.

The only solution is to become an empowered empath or an educated individual who is or has experienced narc abuse. It took me over 5 years to recover from one narc relationship in particular.

The first step is awareness of the narc abuse, despite their typical behaviors, with gaslighting being the most common. Gaslighting will drive you nuts making you doubt reality and your own perception of life. You’ll think YOU are the problem, denying all self-awareness that you are in fact being abused.

Once you have acknowledged the abuse, now begins the arduous life-saving journey to finding your soul again. It can take months, years, decades. Your body and nervous system have to completely reset from a constant cortisol overdose. It’s addictive.

If only I knew then what I know now!!!

If you have experienced narcissist abuse, or you are an empath, I highly recommend reading my book, PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY for insight. If you are trying to find yourself again, fowling narc abuse, or are currently struggling to escape an abuse relationship with a narc, please contact me for coaching.

Vital Germaine

Finding and Understanding Who You Really Are

Discovering the self is no easy feat. We rarely take the time to be deeply introspective to understand who we were, what we like, what we stand for, what we need, what we desire, why we make the choices we do… the list go questions is endless.

In taking the time to understand the essence of who you are (your core values), you will find many answers to why certain things in your life happened based on the choices you take. You will understand some of the choices you’ve made regarding friendships, your partner, work and career etc. Most, kind of know their core values but haven’t really dissected them, empowering you to optimize them and elevate the essence of your character and personality.

Knowing and identifying your “north star” and your sense of purpose, will provide you with so much clarity moving forward in life. This activity has helped so many of personal coaching clients, leaders/executive clients and teams). You’ll find it in my book THINK LIKE AN ARTIST.

Here is a list of the top 30 recurring core values.

1.         Efficiency

2.         Balance

3.         Fairness

4.         Creativity

5.         Hard Work

6.        Learning

7.        Competence

8.        Compassion

9.        Community

10.     Security

11.      Loyalty

12.      Status

13.      Charity

14.      Teamwork

15.      Friendship

16.      Adventure

17.       Freedom

18.      Boldness

19.      Success

20.    Authority

21.      Recognition

22.     Spirituality

23.     Humility

24.    Diversity

25.     Humor

26.    Kindness

27.     Optimism

28.    Empathy

29.    Fun

30.    Accountability

Review them and eliminate 10 of them. You should have 20 left over.

Write those 20 on a digital or hard copy note pad.

Take those 20 Core Values you selected and narrow them down to 10!

Write those 10 on a digital or hard copy note pad.

But wait, there’s more! Let’s really do down the rabbit hole.

Look carefully at your list of 10 Core Values.

Do they define you?

Do you live by them?

If so, congrats.

If not, it could mean you are not living authentically. Adjust accordingly.

Down the wormhole we go!

Take those 10 Core Values you selected and narrowthem down to only 4! Yes, only 4.

A tip to help you narrow them down to only 4. You will find that some Values overlap. For example, compassion and empathyare very similar, so one could be eliminated. Same with charity and community.Write those 4 on a digital or hard copy note pad.

Even better, frame them.

That’s the essence of who you are!

Live by these last four core values. They define your character or personal brand. They will be your compass in any decision or choices you make moving forward. Align your life with the true authentic essence of who you are, and you will find deep inner harmony.

Know thyself.  Become thyself.

Vital Germaine

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5 Simple and Effective Ways to Protect Your Energy

Futurist and engineer, Nikola Tesla is known for saying, If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.

Energy is constantly shared and transferred as we interact with other humans, animals and nature. If the energy exchange is healthy, it is comforting, reassuring, calming and even healing. In a utopian world we’d feel this way about every interaction. Unfortunately, there is a lot of hurt, dark, wounded energy out there. And then we have the energy vampires. It’s necessary to protect our energy to optimize our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being. Your health literally lives and dies off of energy.

If you are an empath or HSP (highly sensitive person), you will be more susceptible to external energy. Such beings need to take extra steps to stay in a state of optimum health and wealth.

Here are 5 things you can do to protect your energy and optimize your health.

1. Set an intention before going out in public. Visualize the intention. Feel the intention. Become the intention

2. Build a protective barrier or force field around you. Again visualize whatever protective barrier works for you. For me I imagine a bright light emanating from my gut, consuming my body and going out into the world with nothing able to dim or enter my protective light.

3. Be strategic in how much time you will expose yourself to external stimulation and energy. Know your healthy time limits. And whenever you feel a remote drop in energy from somebody, exit the conversation or periphery.

4. Have energy absorbers or repellents at the entrance of your home, keeping all negative vibes outside. I have crystals and a water solution with camphor at my entrances.

5. Have an activity to expel any energies you might have absorbed. That can be crystals, burning sage (be careful with this one), exercise or movement, including literally shaking off energy, taking your clothes of as you enter, taking a shower, yelling into an empty bottle… get any energy that doesn’t serve you gone.

Vital Germaine

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What exactly is an empath?

You will find different origins and interpretations of what an empath is. That depends on which labels and theories you read, follow and believe in.

Empath stems from the word empathy but has a slightly different connotation.

The first records of the word empathy come from the late 1800s from the context of psychology. The word comes from a translation of the German term Einfühlung, which literally means “a feeling in.” It ultimately derives from the Greek empátheia, meaning “affection” or “passion,” from em-, meaning “in,” and path-, the base of a verb meaning “to suffer.” – Dictionary.com

The term empath is relatively recent. Some claim its origins lie in science-fiction literature. Scottish author J.T. McIntosh's first sited the term in his 1956 story titled, “The Empath.” It’s a story about paranormally empathetic beings, called empaths. The government exploits their gifts of understanding others on a deep level. The objective is to control oppressed workers through these gifts of understanding and feeling. 

Dictionary.com describes empath as: (chiefly in science fiction) a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

Modern discussions debunk the concept of the empath. It is not an ability for the gifted, paranormal or superhuman. They suggest it is nothing more than hyper vigilance.

The hypervigilance theory says that a child growing up in a traumatizing environment, with an abusive or narcissist parent, learns to pay attention to the subtle cues in mood and energy. Think back to Albert Mehrabian’s break down of communication percentages. Well, the hypervigilant are experts in identifying and interpreting the subtle shifts in verbal and non-verbal communication. It can sometimes be the nuance of the most minute change in the way the hairs on their dad’s forearm stand. This could suggest a shift in blood pressure or internal body temperature, which means the onset of a bad mood, followed by a temper. 

As a self-proclaimed empath, I subscribe to the theory that it is a combination of hypervigelence developed during childhood due to trauma and the need to survive and an innate gift like intuition and creativity. The levels are relative, like a spectrum. Some are more empathic than others. For example, not all people with athletic abilities are athletes. Not all athletes become pro. Not all pro athletes become the MVP. It’s relative.

TOP 10 TRAITS OF AN EMPATH

1. Extremely sensitive or acutely aware of external energy, intention and their environment.

2. We feel, sense and even absorb other people's emotions

3. Incredibly intuitive… some being psychic.

4. Most empaths are also introverted.

5. Require a lot of solitude for introspection and recharging.

6. Relationships can be overwhelming as we give and give to the point of burnout, even depression.

7. Attract energy vampires, narcissists, wounded souls and generally toxic people.

8. Have a need to connect with nature/animals where they feel safe and at peace.

9. Highly tuned senses.

10. Empaths have huge hearts but sometimes give too much.

It takes a combination of natural talent, awareness and working to develop and refined natural talent. And yes, I definitely subscribe to the element of paranonomral abilities. Hate me if you must, as one common and recurring experience of the empath is being misunderstood, feared and somewhat alienated from society.

If you relate to this blog, you are probably an empath. Welcome.

To learn more about empathy, read the 2nd edition of my book, PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY

Do we honor or challenge the status quo?

“When something really bad is going on in culture, the average guy doesn’t see it. He can’t. He’s average and is surrounded and immersed in the can’t and discourse of the status quo.”

— George Saunders

Two major forces have dominated our collective psyche. If it’s not religion determining our understanding of the universe it’s science. Both should be challenged. Challenging and questioning any form of authority doesn’t mean I know better. It means I remain open to other possibilities. It means I am curious as to the possibility that humans are in search of understanding and our understanding of the universe is constantly evolving as we discover more. To me, this constant evolution means, there is always more to explore, discover and learn. Sitting back and embracing what we know today as infinite fact, negates curiosity and exploration. It negates evolution.

Both science and religion bring great value to society in very different ways. They often time’s contradict and challenge each other.

Is science becoming the new religion, in the sense that we are supposed to believe because somebody said so??? As a creative I have trouble subscribing to any one belief as infinite fact. Evolution and innovation have only happened by challenging what we already believe.

If science were infinite fact (as many claim it is), then wouldn't ALL scientists always arrive at the same conclusion??? That's not the case, and those who back science, simply back the scientists whose theories align with their beliefs. That's it... sounds like religion... my god is better than yours/my scientists are better than yours. Furthermore, these authorities are trained and educated by the same established standards, which is limiting. Is it really the moon that effects the tides? Is it true that nothing travels faster than the speed of light? How fast does a thought or consciousness travel? Once upon a time, the atom was deemed as the smallest possible particle. We believed it because that’s what we were told. However, it wasn’t the truth. It was only truth in accordance with what we knew and believed at the time.

Science is a very logical and intelligent explanation of the universe based on what has been perceived/observed at the time the theory/thesis was created. These theories/hypotheses change with new information... so how can fact, change?

• Is/was Pluto ever a planet... oh wait... it isn't... oh, it is?

• Cholesterol is bad... no it's good... only certain types... oh wait? View hilarious video!!!!

• Cigarettes were once scientifically backed to relieve stress!

• Lobotomies were once the medical science of the day... hmmmmmm!

Science is not synomous with fact. It is only the application of current knowledge. Furthermore, science has always been funded by people with agendas who promote a specific narrative based on research and "facts"... scientists also have personal agendas (Mr. Evil).

Everything should be challenged and questioned IMO. Nothing should be blindly accepted as fact because somebody says so. This does not mean I know more or better than... I remain open to the possibility that humans haven't yet figured out how everything works. We fill in the blanks to make some sense of it all... which doesn't equate to fact.

I invite you to read my book, THINK LIKE AN ARTIST. It’s in part about looking at things differently with a mind as open as it could possible be. As a result, so much changes. It’s about being infinitely curious and open-minded.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day.”

— Albert Einstein

My "thesis" has zero scientific merit... it is only philosophical (not theological) in nature, and therefore not fact or gospel, but simply opinion. I reserve my right/freedom to have an opinion... as should you. Now that's a fact right therrrr!

Vital Germaine

What not to do when a relationship ends

Relationships are complicated and complex, whether intimate, or professional. There are endless moving parts that determine the quality, success, or failure of said relationship. Inevitably, the endings are always connected to the quality of communication.

Either the wrong thing was said at the wrong time in the wrong way, Either the right thing was said at the wrong time in the wrong way (and variations there of). Sometimes it’s not necessarily what was said, but rather a question of how it was interpreted. The final and often overlooked element of communication is the something that wasn’t said. It may have been intentionally left out. It may have been accidentally omitted as it appeared to be irrelevant or because it may have cause friction. Ironically, not saying it will inevitable end up causing friction. Better to say. Just figure out the right time and the right way.

Most relationships will face conflict and end as a result of values being violated, stubbornness, avoidance of accountability or willingness to change behavior, or simple yet meaningful disagreement on perception and responsibility that becomes a deal breaker. Sometimes nobody is wrong. It’s just time to part ways.

When relationships do end, here's what I've learned about what shouldn’t be done (includes my past indiscretions).

1. Good people say bad things (yep, I've said some mean #$%&). It doesn't make them bad people. Vice versa, bad people do good stuff... they are still bad people.

2. Whatever secrets they entrusted with you... honor that trust despite the relationship ending.

3. What ever gifts you gave them, don't take them back (oops! - i've learned).

4. Celebrate the beauty of the relationship despite the current disappointments/deceit etc. It will hurt at first and seem impossible to celebrate an end. In due time, I hope you will reflect and see some value in that relationship.

5. Whatever went wrong, you played a part in it, making you accountable too. (ouch!!!)

6. "Sometimes you win. Sometimes you learn." - John Maxwell

7. Add your own advice here

Take my REACHING HIGHER THROUGH COMMUNICATION online course and help improve your relationships. Click button below to register.

How can we know the "truth"

We might never know which is right or wrong; we might never know “the truth.”

It’s what the Buddhists call a “Mu” situation, in which some questions and mysteries are both yes and no. The “Mu” concept is an important component of creativity. It’s about having the open-mindedness to embrace the different or welcome differences while continuing to move forward or innovate. Narrow-mindedness is the downfall and death of innovation. Innovation unto itself is a one-directional forward motion, continually in search of growth, progress, evolution... which means, we discover new and different truths with new and different information and insight. Truth is forever in flux, with infinite variables and persepctives.

The “Mu” concept is based on a question asked by a student to his master while sitting in a temple. The student asks the master to explain what Buddha nature is.

“Buddha nature is all things,” the master replies.

The student sees a dog wandering in the garden and asks if the dog also has Buddha nature.

“Mu,” responds the master. Buddha nature can’t be categorized, according to its principles. The master is, therefore, unable to deny or confirm the answer. If the master answers “no,” then he is wrong. If he responds with “yes,” then he is also wrong. “Mu” becomes the only acceptable answer. Buddha nature is everything even when it isn’t.

Truth has multiple sides, versions and realities. In understanding this possibility that there is never a finite truth, we remain open, minimizing judgment and condemnation. This is the ultimate attitude of open-mindedness that allows for the deepest form of understanding, collaboration, and harmony. The result is innovation ... a new world, a better leader, a stronger team, an improved product.

This is an excerpt from my book, INNOVATION MINDSET

6 priceless things about creative expression

ONE: It doesn’t matter the medium (crayons, oils, acting, musical instrument, writing/journaling, singing in the shower, dancing in the living room… ).

It doesn’t matter the quality or outcome.

TWO. It’s all about the journey of processing and releasing our emotions, traumas, wounds, fears… experiences.

THREE. It’s meditative, inviting you to be present, minimizing the external and internal noises of distraction.

FOUR: While being in the moment, you'll connect deeper with yourself, leading to understanding.

FIVE: It’s also better than dumping our hurt onto people we love and/or hate.

SIX: It also works a charm when expressing joy and gratitude.

Art has been the most effective, impactful therapy I can think of. It was in fact an integral strategy in recovering from the darkest of dark places. Learn more in my book PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY, which takes a deep look at mental health.

Vital Germaine

What are we really looking for as humans?

What are we really looking for as humans?

Maslo’s hierarchy of needs

A life void of deep, meaningful connection is empty and lonely. Authentic and genuine connection is harder and harder to find, we focus on soothing the lack of connection with shiny, social media-inspired rewards; likes, follows, admirers, being trendy, having status, addictions etc.

Through social media awareness or woke-ism, as to what others are doing, thinking, feeling, experiencing and subscribing too etc, we either find relatability (our tribe) or we face division. We do not find connection.

Connection can happen organically as two people or more meet randomly or by design. We can invite and incite connection. That means being authentic and showing the world who you are… therefore attracting those who are genuinely like-minded. But that is scary! Attraction is only the invitation to the dance. Now it’s time to actually dance and connect. Let your hair down (insecurities and fear), lose the inhibitions and shake that ass in the way you really want to. It’s unique to you.

The Six C’s of Connection

1. Curiosity - a strong desire to know or learn something, in particular, regarding who a person is. What’s their story?

2. Commonality - focusing on our similarities not our differences brings us together.

3. Caring - making people feel safe, valued and honored… EMPATHY… enables us to transcend to a higher level of consciousness driven my awareness and love.

4. Collaboration - the act of compromising for the bigger picture. This doest not mean sacrificing or violating your core values. It’s finding the areas where we can work together or thinking along mutually beneficial avenues.

5. Character - the mental or moral qualities distinctive to an individual… in showing our true character, other see who we are. If we show up authentically, people can make an informed decision as to wether or not we are a good fit. Sadly, the world is filled with greedy, selfish individuals wearing masks for pure personal gain. It’s hard to connect with somebody who is playing a game of one-sided gain.

6. Communication - there are no meaningful relationships without effective communication. This is potentially the number one reason why connections break down. Learn more.

If you have found relationships that are deep and meaningful, congratulations… stay calm and carry on nurturing them. If you haven’t, it means something needs to change. Either it’s you or your circle.

Let’s connect, even if superficially to begin with.

Vital Germaine

The simplest and most impactful way to inspire team creativity is…

Sometimes we look too far, dig too deep to achieve goals. Employers and leaders want to get as much value from their teams as possible. This often comes in the form of incentives such as more pay or empowering new job title and description. The best way is to engage them. How do we engage employees? Make them feel valued.

The best way to make them feel valued is to give them a voice by creating an environment or culture within which they feel safe to express and contribute who they are. That includes their creativity. Invite them to share and become a part of the process from ideation to delivery. People nurture their ideas with utmost care, pride and enthusiasm.

It’s all about feeling safe: seen, HEARD and understood.

Avoid shutting people down who express ideas. They will quickly become silent and disengaged. Disengaged employees (commonly referred to as “quiet quitters”) cost the US Economy $500 billion a year. Another metric is 18% of an employees annual salary per company, per employee. Simply because they didn’t feel heard (valued).

Vital Germaine, President of ENGAGE Teams 360

Is Anger a Bad Thing?

Anger is something we all feel and experience. Anybody that will claim to not get angry is, well… hard to believe. My calling them liars might make them… angry.

Anger is an emotional response to something that causes a feeling of being disrespected, undermined, insulted, violated, taken advantage of, abused, or lacking control over our environment. It is a relative emotion. What makes me angry may appear trivial to you, and vice-versa.

Such an intense emotional response is a healthy flag that allows us to gauge ourselves and how we are perceived and treated. The trigger can be an old wound, or “trauma response” which has now become a common answer to undermine a person’s anger. It can signal that our core values have been violated. It lets us know what’s important to us and what is worth protecting and fighting for. We all get angry for different reasons, yet we are inclined to judge and condemn others when they get angry, forgetting we get angry too (empathy). Nonetheless, it is more often than not a response to immediate or long-term pain that has been unresolved.

The most important thing, I believe, is that anger is not negative. It’s a perfect normal and healthy human response to frustration or pain. We shouldn’t taboo it. We shouldn’t shame it. We should embrace and allow it to be. It’s not about getting angry, it’s about what we do with that anger. We shouldn’t suppress it, because it will fester and in time erupt into potential rage. And that’s when we say and do stuff we regret.

If you lose control of your anger, then I suggest physical activities like working-out or sports, creative endeavors or meditation. Experience my “calming” meditation.

We can leverage it as a great motivator, or we can use it to inflict pain unto others. The key is to not let anger control you. It should be your friend. You are human, so don’t deny the experience due to warped societal norms and pressures. Out-of-control anger turns into hate, and hate is not healthy.

BTW, “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.” - In the words of Elie Wiesel.

Vital Germaine

Finding YOU

What drives you? No, I mean really, what is your deepest, most self-defining/self-preserving emotional and psychological need/want? The answer to that question will set you free.

Go deeper than the "superficial/material" desires like, money or status. The true answer lies deeper. It's scary to look oneself in the eyes until you see your own soul for all its glories and fears. Down there, deeply hidden lies the answer to YOU… combine that answer with what you are good at, what you love doing and what brings value, and you will find your IKIGAI.

It might take a minute! It might take years, but the journey is worth it.

In Chapter 20 of my book, THINK LIKE AN ARTIST, I share a very impactful self-discovery activity to truly give you a starting point to dig deeper into who you are and what drives you.

Vital Germaine

The KAIZEN-Driven Mindset, why it's a game changer

SUCCESS IN ANY CAPACITY IS NOT RANDOM.

During my 5+ years as an acrobat and team captain in Cirque du Soleil, I observed and observed and learned so much about individual and organizational success.

Like every amazing Cirque production, they are not random. The success is directed, choreographed, inspired and produced. It means optimizing each and every aspect built on the KAIZEN mindset.

Each amazing trick that has made you gasp during a cirque show took talent, courage, risk, vision, planning communication, creativity and commitment. Once a show has been “finished” that’s when part two of the success journey begins. And without part 2, there is no Cirque.

The commitment is a KAIZEN thing.

Kaizen is a Japanese term meaning change for the better or continuous improvement. Kaizen sees improvement in productivity as a gradual and methodical process. It was created by Masaaki Imai, a Japanese organizational theorist and management consultant. In observing and studing the Toyota Production System and its Lean principles who deducted that, their success was driven by a mindset of constant optimization (on all levels).

The Cirque culture parallels the Kaizen philosophy. Each dance step, acrobatic flip, lighting cue etc. had potential to become better. The journey is never-ending. It doesn’t take great effort, only a consistent commitment to learning and growth. Done over time, the results become incredible.

Think how much you could change and reach higher if you intentionally introduced Kaizen into your personal and professional life. Small increments of growth lead to massive transformation.

Brendan Buchard said, “First, it is an intention. Then a behavior. Then a habit. Then a practice. Then a second nature. Then it is simply who you are.”

Begin the Kaizen mindset today and you’ll be amazed where you’ll be a year from now. Happy travels.

Learn more about Kaizen in my new book, THINK LIKE AN ARTIST.

Vital Germaine.

Top 3 Reasons Why Relationships End

With Valentine’s around the corner, what a great time to talk about romantic relationships. Avoid these 3 things and inspire your romance to blossom.

1. POOR COMMUNICATION

Relationships ultimately end due to poor communication. Clear, concise and effective communication is so hard to achieve. The inevitable discrepancies between what was said and what was heard is the culprit.

“The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.
”

— George Bernard Shaw.

• Is what was said a clear reflection of what was intended? What was said and what was meant are oftentimes different.

• Perception. Different people perceive communication differently. This is where communication gets really tricky because perception is reality. This means there is no right or wrong… just different. Not to mention, semantics.

• Did we hear what was said? Sometimes we add a new narrative to what was actually said based on our mindset and emotional state at the time. Communication can trigger specific emotions that can “warp reality”… we sometimes fill in new meanings to what we heard or understood. Revert back to perception. It ultimately comes down to LISTENING.

  Beyond words, tone of voice and body language (Albert Merhabian), there is the art of listening. There are in fact 5 types of listening:

  1. Ignoring

  2. Pretend (if you have kids you’ll know exactly what this is)

  3. ???

  4. ???

  5. ???

  #5 is the ultimate in listening ability.

  In my online communication course, I talk about listening in great depth. I break down communication to 6 principals that are designed to help people REACH HIGHER in personal and professional relationships.

  LEARN MORE ABOUT REACHING HIGHER THROUGH COMMUNICATION

2. UNDEFINED / UN-MET EXPECTATIONS

• Disappointment: When expectations are not clearly communicated, the result is usually disappointment.

• Resentment: When disappointment is not addressed, it slowly festers, leading to a build up of resentment.

• Anger: At some point, that resentment turns into anger. Anger becomes aggressive or even mean communication. Regretful things are often said.

3. LACK OF RESPECT

Disrespect unto itself will quickly end a relationship. It’s a dish that is always served from a cold, heartless kitchen that lacks empathy. Disrespect comes in many forms with probably the most ruthless being infidelity. Infidelity can be sexual or emotional. It’s hard coming back from this wound.

Disrespect can be the act of:

• Undermining your partner, friend or colleague.

• Not honoring or protecting their interest.

• Not supporting, encouraging or elevating them.

Respect means, I SEE YOU. If I see YOU, I acknowledge YOU… your needs, expectations etc. It is perhaps the ultimate form of love.

Life and relationships are rarely ONE specific thing, but rather a collective of overlapping events and situations that create a reality. This blog breaks down the reasons behind failed relationships, but keep in mind, the reasons are a combination and variation of these 3 factors in random order and muddled reasons. Apply what helps and learn from your experiences.

PS. These same principals apply in the workplace.

I'd love to hear about your experiences and perspectives. Please leave a comment.

Vital Germaine

DISCOVER MY ROMANTIC ART COLLECTION.

There are 3 main factors that deny you of your inner genius.

Your inner genius is connected to your inner child. Your inner child is the key to your authentic freedom and empowerment. The problem is that your inner genius is suffocated into submission as you age. Why? How?

1.     Convention and conformity molds us into bots with a heartbeat, calcifying our inner genius, stifling our uniqueness.

Look at our outdated education system. We sit in rows. Walk in lines. Learn a curriculum that a committee has deemed the best for everybody. Conventional education, despite its need and benefits, tells us what to think… mandates us to fit in. Formal education tells us what to think rather than how to think independently. 

2.     Parents and adults who live in fear bombard their children with restricting orders. According to Gallup, children hear on average, 232 no’s or negative comments a day. By the time they reach their teens and early adulthood, those 232 daily parental no’s will have molded those kids into driving in very specific lanes afraid to disrupt, afraid to imagine, afraid to be themselves. Those lanes become filled with worker bees and ants who don’t know how to think independently. It’s a boring, non-imaginative lane that provides a sense of belonging… a basic human need according to Maslo (Hierarchy of needs). So, we comply.

If you are happy with being a worker bee, stay calm and carry on. But what if there was more meaning and purpose to your life than that which your parents made you believe? Are you living their limiting beliefs and expectations?

I understand the intention of most parents. They want to protect their children from harm, danger or ridicule. They want their kids to succeed… but in a selfish way the parent feels is the better way. But is that way in the best interest of that kid or projection? Too many parents prevent their children becoming who they were meant to be… themselves.

“Don’t climb on that.”

“That’s not good for you.”

“Why can’t you be like everybody else?”

“Stop that!”

“No, no, no, no, no!”

By the time we become adults, our organic and authentic dreams and aspirations will have faded. We submit because we have disconnected from the endless possibilities we once possessed as children.

3.     The fear of failure prevents us from taking risks, being different, trying the new. Social media has magnified this collective hypnosis. We select trending music on our posts to get more likes rather than choosing what we really like and what we really want to express. We copy paste the most popular choreography on Tik Tok. We observe what everybody else is doing and conclude that that is how things should be done to be successful.

$6 Million Question!

If there were no consequences to your actions, choices, behaviors or dreams, would you be doing what you are today?

Living your true genius takes courage. Boatloads of audacity. But it’s in you. It’s not too late to become who you were meant to be and who you once dreamed of becoming, despite what your parents or society told you.

Your inner child will set you free and enable you to fly if you connect and listen.

Vital Germaine

President AIM TO WIN, Inc

I Like Big Hugs and I Cannot Lie... why you should too.

The act of hugging falls under the sense of touch. It is such an underrated sense. Many humans are deprived of touch and it impacts their mental and emotional state incredibly.

Touch therapy is provided to premature babies who demonstrate an exponential increase in development and recovery. The same impact is present in every day life. It is a healing and motivating agent we can all share at any given time.

During a recent book signing, following a keynote presentation for approximately 800 attendees, I was surprised at the amount of people who wanted and initiated a hug. Modern society is lacking in warm and authentic connection.

Each hug caused a positive ripple effect, inspiring stronger and healthier connections. They became infectious.

Beyond the health benefits, hugging makes us more approachable, relatable and trust worthy. A good hug is the quickest and deepest way to connect, letting the other person know you care.

Research shows that when we trust somebody, more oxytocin is released, adding to the existing amount. The hug makes the other person not only feel good about us, but feel good about themselves.

BENEFITS OF OXYTOCIN AT WORK: Teams that caused or encouraged oxytocin release in each other were more productive and innovative, and enjoyed the tasks they were doing more, than those whose brains did not connect to their teammates. (Research by Paul J. Zak: ). Your company will experience lower absenteeism due to health or mood related issues. Your culture will be infused with enthusiasm, optimism and a general sense of corporate unity.

#hug a friend or colleague today

The feel good factor is contagious and will impact your culture, your customers and of course your bottom line, if not simply those you care for, including yourself.

Corporate America is missing out on the power of hugs. Just make sure the hug is not "creepy" or too long. Men, be aware. Ladies, if a male hug feels uncomfortable or you question the givers intentions, communicate that. It's relative and open to interpretation. Ultimately, if your intentions of sharing a hug are genuine, authentic and healthy, it is a win win.

If no action is taken, then it becomes an HR thing OR… we could bring back the old-school Hollywood face slap????

HORMONAL BENEFITS OF A HUG

When we hug someone, oxytocin is released into our bodies via the pituitary gland. That hormone release lowers our cortisol levels (hormone responsible for stress, high blood pressure, and heart disease).

1. Hugs lower our heart rates

2. Hugs enhance relationships

3. Hugs can increase your self-esteem

4. Hugs can lower stress 

5. Hugs can lower the risk of heart disease 

6. Hugs can boost immunity

Stay healthy my friends.

When it comes to intimate relationships, one may need more than a hug. It then becomes a cuddle. This is one of the safest moments in any intimate relationship. It says, I care for you, you are safe here. And that is beautiful and powerful.

A HUG A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY.

THANK YOU,

Vital Germaine

President ENGAGEteams360.

5 Decision-Making Tips

There is a "safe" strategy to optimize the outcome of your risks and minimize your losses. It’s a simple 5-Step roadmap.

1. EVALUATION: Compare and weigh out your best and worst-case-scenarios. Clearly define and understand the situation and the consequences.  Take the succesful Blackjack player. He/she, takes all aspects of risk into consideration before deciding to stick with the hand that’s been dealt or not dealt. What are the odds that the next card is what is desired? Before taking risks in your industry or business, ask such questions as:

• How influential will the value of that change be and how will the result impact your business, industry or economic landscape?

• Will the risk be too drastic or dramatic for the market to embrace?

• Do you have the time, the resources and an effective marketing strategy to subdue consumer resistance or confusion? Timing, packaging, and education of target audiences, play key roles in success or failure of any business venture, service or product.

• What can you live with in terms of loss? How much money is at stake and can you afford to lose that amount.

• What do market research percentages/data suggest? If the odds are in your favor, take the risk… consult step 2 to increase the odds or success.

2. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: Have a pulse on what the market is ready to embrace. If you have invested time in bullet point 1 (evaluation), then the accumulated data combined with your awareness of the market, customer purchasing behaviors and trends, will put you on track to succeeding. Be acutely aware that the market might resist regardless of how incredible the innovation is. Take into account how well your team is equipped to share the message. How much conviction and resources do you have up your sleeve to counter-act potential consumer alienation.

3. INTUITION: The great trailblazers and innovators connect with, and trust their intuition in conjunction with the element of planning and analyses (market research in business). The greats just seem to have a knack of knowing when and how to risk and expand their horizons. Intuition is not a blind act built purely on belief, it is your truest sense of knowledge. Intuition and instinct are not synonymous. Instinct is immediate and purely driven by the reptilian brain. Intuition includes your moral compass (values), gut, experience and the subconscious mind combining with your heart to tell you what is best or what is a negative vibe or energy.

Your gut or heart simply know. Modern research is showing that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. On a holistic level, the heart is connected to the source of universal knowledge. Police detective refer to this as a hunch… something they not only trust, but obey. Design a more promising future by connecting to your intuition. Leverage its power.

4. ADAPTATION: Innovation is a progressive journey that demands strategic change and adaptation. The willingness to fail along that journey is a must... there is always a period of incubation and a learning curve to navigate. Risk and innovation require patient nurturing while the product is sculpted. Without an ability to adapt, all and any risks are borderline reckless and ill-advised.

5. VISION: Let’s state the obvious. Without a clear vision (or mission), the venture is a train wreck in the making. Innovation offers no guarantees, though a plan or roadmap shortens the learning curve and the journey. Your vision should align with your core values. Integrity is a trait that delivers long term results. Your brand strength depends on it. Integrity inspires loyalty. Apple have had unsuccessful product launches, but years of integrity and honoring their vision, keeps clients coming back for the new innovation. Their clients know that Apple will quickly adapt and make it right. Think back to Microsoft’s Vista (a nightmare that took too long to fix).

The objective of all innovation is value creation. The outcome is optimized by minimizing consumer pain points and elevating the experience. It’s a tough and not so forgiving world out there. Be smart in your risk-taking.

To experience a deeper dive into the topic of risk and innovation, read the revised version of INNOVATION MINDSET - it includes new chapters and improved content. Learn to leverage your inner genius, reach higher and impact your leadership, cultural and personal mindset.

Vital Germaine

The Dark Side of Empathy

Don’t be fooled! Empathy is not always a benevolent trait. Like all human traits and abilities, they can be used for good or for evil.

The gift of empathy can in fact be a highly dangerous and powerful skill when it comes to the dark arts of manipulation. Part of the reason for its stealthy and sorrowful seductiveness is that people simply don’t see the dark empath coming. They don’t see it coming because it’s so well cloaked in goodness. We assume that somebody who is empathetic understands us, so they are a friend. FALSE. Not always.

A cunning empath, or dark empath, can be as harmful, if not more so than a narcissist who allegedly lacks empathy. The only difference between the two is that the narcissist doesn’t know, feel, or understand guilt, shame, remorse, or regret. Despite having an abundance of empathy and the ability to feel the emotions of others, the sneaky and slimy, dark empath, knows all too well what their prey is feeling. However, they themselves don’t actually feel. Manipulation experts at their finest, cloaked in sheep’s wool. The dark empath and narcissist are opposite sides of the same trick coin. Heads or tails? You always loose… unless, you remove yourself from the theatre piece you were cast in.

Did you know?

According to, former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator Chris Voss, FBI agents use empathy during interrogations! They call it tactical empathy, intentionally using concepts from neuroscience to influence emotions.

Red Flags Someone Is a Dark Empath

• Dark, if not twisted sense of humor.

• Demonstrate heightened sensitivity.

• It’s all about their wants and needs.

• Low self-esteem.

• Experience mental health challenges.

• Leverage your feelings as a weapon against you.

• Experts at using or taking advantage of other people.

Remember, empathy is the highest form of intelligence. And that, is power, good and/or bad. I hope you choose this superpower for good. Empathy not only changes lives, it saves lives. The beauty and power of empathy only come through the giving and communicating of empathy. Make sure that your empathetic generosity establishes healthy boundaries to honor YOU, too.

Know thyself. Know others by seeing them. Become a high-value person in a world that is often too cold, indifferent and disconnected. Don’t be tempted to go to the dark side.

Vital Germaine

Buy the revised version of “Pink is the color of empathy”